Sphinx Drummond
Fantasy Team Owner
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« Reply #80 on: August 02, 2009, 09:15:46 PM » |
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Well, there was 4 minutes ago here in this very thread.
That was at least 3% more compelling than page 212 of Combating Ignorance. |
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It doesn't pay to try, All the smart boys know why, It doesn't mean I didn't try, I just never know why.
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Navin R Johnson
Key Member of the Conspiracy
Posts: 2560
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« Reply #81 on: August 03, 2009, 08:36:56 AM » |
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I think Barzilla read one too many Billy Mumphrey stories.
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There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
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BizidyDizidy
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Posts: 7499
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« Reply #82 on: August 03, 2009, 08:45:24 AM » |
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Oh this book is great - just read this gym of a paragraph:
"According to the crackpot theory of pot smoking child psychologists, child development is a very rudimentary process. It is very important that you crawl before you walk (literally.) <sic> Some children skip this process and suffer dire developmental problems (according to these psychologists). Apparently crawling stimulates the brain and helps the child learn to talk."
I'm pretty sure every chip on the shoulder Barzilla has will be layed bare in this travesty of modern american literature - I can't wait for the chapter where he posts on BlueKickButt.com.
ETA: Oh my god - now he's talking about how well he scores on IQ tests. You have to read this.
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« Last Edit: August 03, 2009, 08:47:48 AM by BizidyDizidy »
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"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
- Orson Welles
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subnuclear
Should Have Quit 500 Posts Ago
Posts: 2178
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« Reply #83 on: August 03, 2009, 09:12:58 AM » |
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Oh this book is great - just read this gym of a paragraph:
"According to the crackpot theory of pot smoking child psychologists, child development is a very rudimentary process. It is very important that you crawl before you walk (literally.) <sic> Some children skip this process and suffer dire developmental problems (according to these psychologists). Apparently crawling stimulates the brain and helps the child learn to talk."
I'm pretty sure every chip on the shoulder Barzilla has will be layed bare in this travesty of modern american literature - I can't wait for the chapter where he posts on BlueKickButt.com.
ETA: Oh my god - now he's talking about how well he scores on IQ tests. You have to read this.
Don't you have a job or something? |
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Perhaps the day may come when we shall remember these sufferings with joy. ~ Virgil
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BizidyDizidy
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Posts: 7499
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« Reply #84 on: August 03, 2009, 09:15:05 AM » |
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Don't you have a job or something?
I wouldn't read it on my own time... |
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"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
- Orson Welles
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subnuclear
Should Have Quit 500 Posts Ago
Posts: 2178
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« Reply #85 on: August 03, 2009, 09:18:17 AM » |
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I wouldn't read it on my own time...
This is an excellent point. Carry on! |
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Perhaps the day may come when we shall remember these sufferings with joy. ~ Virgil
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BizidyDizidy
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Posts: 7499
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« Reply #86 on: August 03, 2009, 09:21:07 AM » |
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There is a whole chapter devoted to his little league, middle school, and high school sports career. You could not make this up.
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"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
- Orson Welles
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Andyzipp
Administrator
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Posts: 9782
Media Slut
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« Reply #87 on: August 03, 2009, 09:23:15 AM » |
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There is a whole chapter devoted to his little league, middle school, and high school sports career. You could not make this up.
No. It's a fictional character. Not Scott Barzilla. Jack Sutherford. |
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Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "Ahhh, fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!"
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BizidyDizidy
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Posts: 7499
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« Reply #88 on: August 03, 2009, 09:25:00 AM » |
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No. It's a fictional character. Not Scott Barzilla. Jack.
To my horror, I've just learned that the google books preview only includes 70 pages. Now I am faced with the difficult decision of whether it's worth 15 bucks (7.50 to Jack Suthzilla) to continue to gawk at this train wreck. |
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"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
- Orson Welles
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Sphinx Drummond
Fantasy Team Owner
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Posts: 7637
Not Actual Size
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« Reply #89 on: August 03, 2009, 09:36:55 AM » |
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There is a whole chapter devoted to his little league, middle school, and high school sports career. You could not make this up.
Is there any mention of a gem class? |
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It doesn't pay to try, All the smart boys know why, It doesn't mean I didn't try, I just never know why.
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Sphinx Drummond
Fantasy Team Owner
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Posts: 7637
Not Actual Size
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« Reply #90 on: August 03, 2009, 09:42:18 AM » |
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To my horror, I've just learned that the google books preview only includes 70 pages. Now I am faced with the difficult decision of whether it's worth 15 bucks (7.50 to Jack Suthzilla) to continue to gawk at this train wreck.
I think it would be quite magnanimous of you to by several copies. |
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It doesn't pay to try, All the smart boys know why, It doesn't mean I didn't try, I just never know why.
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JackAstro
Key Member of the Conspiracy
Posts: 3796
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« Reply #91 on: August 03, 2009, 10:10:10 AM » |
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Since he decided to change the city names to protect the innocent, I've been thrown off the trail... Jack came from a small suburb outside of Allenville. Allenville is a large city in the southern United States near the Gulf of Mexico. Tranquility Lakes was not its own city; Allenville had annexed the town before the Sutherfords moved there in the late 1970s. However, Tranquility Lakes stood 25 miles from downtown Allenville, so most residents did not consider themselves to be Allenville residents. It's Detroit, right? Did I get it? What do I win? |
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"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?"
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GreatBagwellsBeard
Contributor
Should Have Quit 500 Posts Ago
Posts: 2137
A small room at the front of the plane
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« Reply #92 on: August 03, 2009, 10:24:56 AM » |
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Since he decided to change the city names to protect the innocent, I've been thrown off the trail...
It's Detroit, right? Did I get it? What do I win?
Bobby Valentine thinks that that was a bad disguise. Also, this book reminds me of this: http://www.storiesofintrigue.com/ |
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Drinking for two.
“I want to paint a mural of Houston for the kids, but I’m terrible at drawing swamp humidity"
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S.P. Rodriguez
Key Member of the Conspiracy
Posts: 2932
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« Reply #93 on: August 03, 2009, 10:27:29 AM » |
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Oh, just tell me that cock-sucker is from Clear Lake. I understand he taught in CCISD, but being "from the area", for me personally, explains oh so many things.
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"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. "
-Mark Twain
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JackAstro
Key Member of the Conspiracy
Posts: 3796
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« Reply #94 on: August 03, 2009, 10:32:52 AM » |
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Oh, just tell me that cock-sucker is from Clear Lake. I understand he taught in CCISD, but being "from the area", for me personally, explains oh so many things.
I think you may be confused. He's from Tranquility Lakes, which I believe is a suburb of Detroit. |
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"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?"
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Waldo
Administrator
Key Member of the Conspiracy
Posts: 4256
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« Reply #95 on: August 03, 2009, 10:33:09 AM » |
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Is there any mention of a gem class?
Brilliant. |
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Dark Star
Contributor
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Posts: 6311
Dark Star
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« Reply #96 on: August 03, 2009, 10:37:11 AM » |
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I'm not going to read his book. I don't need to. I can see how much he sucks as a writer just by the descriptive paragraph on the back of the dust jacket, which was obviously composed by Shakes-zilla, himself. The LinkThat's one of the most poorly constructed collections of poorly constructed sentences I've seen in a long while, maybe ever on the cover of a book. The thing deserves to be kindling, just for that. |
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Andyzipp
Administrator
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Posts: 9782
Media Slut
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« Reply #97 on: August 03, 2009, 10:38:48 AM » |
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I'm not going to read his book. I don't need to. I can see how much he sucks as a writer just by the descriptive paragraph on the back of the dust jacket, which was obviously composed by Shakes-zilla, himself. The LinkThat's one of the most poorly constructed collections of poorly constructed sentences I've seen in a long while, maybe ever on the cover of a book. The thing deserves to be kindling, just for that. The bit where he claims to not need editing because he taught high school English...it makes me giggle just thinking about it. |
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Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "Ahhh, fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!"
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BizidyDizidy
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Posts: 7499
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« Reply #98 on: August 03, 2009, 10:40:57 AM » |
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I'm not going to read his book. I don't need to. I can see how much he sucks as a writer just by the descriptive paragraph on the back of the dust jacket, which was obviously composed by Shakes-zilla, himself. The LinkThat's one of the most poorly constructed collections of poorly constructed sentences I've seen in a long while, maybe ever on the cover of a book. The thing deserves to be kindling, just for that. You are doing yourself a disservice - once you get over the hilarity of his inability to write (strange, because he repeatedly refers to how good of a natural writer he - i mean, Jack - is), the almost too sad to be funny (but not quite) stories of his own life take over. |
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"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
- Orson Welles
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Dark Star
Contributor
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Posts: 6311
Dark Star
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« Reply #99 on: August 03, 2009, 10:41:33 AM » |
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The bit where he claims to not need editing because he taught high school English...it makes me giggle just thinking about it.
I'd love to sit down with my E.B. White and just deconstruct that one paragraph, though that by itself would be more trouble than it was worth. And life is too short. |
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