W: Wandy Rodriguez, L: Kevin Correia

Astros Recap
Yahoo Recap

The Astros take 3 out of 4 in San Diego for another series win. Wandy Rodriguez was dealing in this game and the bats came out early and often.

Astros Highlights:

Wandy Rodriguez went innings giving up 1 run on 7 hits with a walk and 5 strike outs. Maybe he didn’t like me saying he was not an Ace. He seems to be doing better since I said that.

Killer B’s (Yeah, I have to reference it today.)

Lance Berkman went 2 for 3 with a walk. Hopefully he is really around that corner and not just taking advantage of the Padres pitching.

Michael Bourn went 2 for 5 on the day, scoring 2 runs and also stealing a base.

Geoff Blum went 2 for 4 on the day. He hit one HR and had 4 RBI’s. Not bad young man, not bad at all.

Padres Highlights:

Scott Hairston went 2 for 4 on the day.

Beekeeper ended the 52 minute delay.

Game Analysis:

The Astros were in control of this came from the beginning. It is nice to be able to say that, especially since they won. Check out the ESPN recap to see the swarming bees and hear a bit of their report.

Bench Tidbits:

No, I’m not going to avoid mentioning the Bees. Seems to me that all the great jokes have all ready been made and the sports reports have already taken all the good titles. I just can’t do them justice. But be sure to check out the GameZone where some great reactions are. The guys (and girls) did the Bees proud. Be sure to check out the TalkZone also, there is already this thread about the beees.

This game reminded me of the one against Milwaukee (I think it was Milwaukee) where there were the huge bugs. I remember one being on the Astros pitcher’s cap. I guess since those bugs weren’t able to sting people the game could not be delayed.

The Astros may have a rougher time in San Francisco. Check out GreatBagwellsBeard’s series preview for more information.

All the best health to Ty in Tampa, I know this recap didn’t live up to your standards, but I figured I wouldn’t even try to do that, I’d just embarrass myself. Get well soon.

Troy Aikman through out the first pitch.

Happy Independence Day America!! The best place in the world.

Your Houston Astros travel further north on the west coast to face the Giants.  These aren’t the California stars of old, just an odd collection of fantastic pitching and hilariously awful offense, and one 400 year old angry sea hag.  Somehow, this motley collection is hanging tough in an NL West as ugly and mismatched as the offspring of Ingrid Bergman and Christopher Walken.

As the Astros keep buying drinks for .500, waiting for her to come over and sit next to them, San Fran would be a nice place to finally start up some small talk and seal the deal.  I’m not going to say anything more here, as the BBG’s have already proven that they’ve got their fingers hovering over the “Smite” button for anyone who talks about .500 too much.

Moving along, the previous seven days have shown that the disconnect between Cecil Cooper and reality (and possibly the connection between Coop and Ed Wade, to say nothing of the connection between Coop and the team) is widening.  With the All-Star Break approaching (typically the time of year when a young GM’s heart turns toward love…er, firing the fucking incompetent manager), will Wade decide that he and Coop are too far apart, and sever ties?  For all the whispers about Coop’s untouchability for Selig-based reasons, that’s not the issue: Wade has shown that he can make McLane listen on issues like rebuilding, so if a case is made that Coop is ruining not only this season, but the potential of the younger players (like Maysonet and Paulino), McLane could send Cooper far, far away.  And that journey could be someday soon if Coop keeps up post-game quotes like this.

The bright sides to look for in this series are plentiful, though: Berkman is hitting better, giving the offense a much needed shot in the arm.  Paulino, Ortiz and Oswalt (our three starters in the series) are all coming off of strong outings, with Roy-O finally looking like his usual kingpin self.  With some momentum from the series against the Friars, we could see some fun baseball by the Bay.

Probable Pitchers from MLB.com

Friday, July 3rd

9:15CT, AT&T Park

Felipe Paulino (2-4, 5.51) v. Ryan Sadowski (1-0, 0.00)

Felipe will probably be the odd man out of the rotation after the ASB, when the team goes back to a normal five man circuit.  It won’t be for lack of effort or performance, though.  When he’s not being jerked in and out of the rotation by Cooper’s whims, Paulino shows the stuff and makeup to be a solid, if not consistently spectacular, major league starter.  He’s never faced the Jints before, so hopefully he won’t get too intimidated by facing Randy Winn.

Sadowski is the Zeppo to Tim Lincecum’s Groucho.  Hot minor league resume, stellar first outing, etc, except that his ceiling isn’t expected to be as high.  At 6′4″, he’s a big guy, but in this rotation he slots in between the Lilliputian Timmy L and the kamera bashing behemoth of Randy Johnson.  We all know how the Astros fare against first-time pitchers, so the less said about that, the better.

Saturday, July 4th

3:05 CT, AT&T Park

Russ Ortiz (3-3, 3.36) v. Tim Lincecum (8-2, 2.37)

Or Coop could send Ortiz to the bullpen, too.  Who the hell knows?  Ortiz came back to the rotation when Hampton got hurt, and has pitched like a man possessed.  I’m glad that the Astros org doesn’t read this site, because if they did, I guess I planted that seed for them.  Ortiz pitches well against his former team, with only Edgar Rentaria (.304, 1 HR) and Randy Winn (.333) having any semblance of success against him.

Timmy Lincecum is damned good, and while he’ll probably mow through the Astros’ lineup like a buzzsaw, it’ll be one more chance to watch this talented youngster before his violent pitching motion detaches his arm from his body, leaving him dangerously vulnerable to Grendel’s mother, Randy Johnson.   With this game falling on the Fourth, while all the commie hippie homo residents of San Fransisco are dancing in the ashes of American flags, they’ll be missing the pint-sized hurler making mincemeat of a team that has a combined .196 batting average against him.  The only exceptions are Kaz (.333) and Pudge (2 AB, 1 3B, 1.000), so good luck with that.  I think we’re going to end up red-eyed and blue here.

Sunday, July 5th

3:05 CT, AT&T Park

Roy Oswalt (4-4, 4.02) v. Randy Johnson (8-5, 4.70)

Sparky must’ve grabbed a lose wire again, because he’s finally pitching well again.  No Oswalt Innings, no ill-advised power trips, no reservations, just smart starts and fast innings like we’re used to.  You never know what you’re going to get with Oswalt in the first half of the season lately, but it appears that he’s rounding into second-half shape early this year.  Among current Giants, only Fred Fucking Lewis is really all that good, but damn, 8-15 makes him an unlikely nemesis for Roy O.

I don’t currently own a tv, for reasons that escape me at the moment but that I’ll blame on my recent entry into wedded bliss; if I did own a tv, it would of course be an HD unit, since I don’t speak much Spanish.  And if I owned such an HD-enabled device, you could be sure as shit that I’d listen to this game on the radio, just so I wouldn’t have to see the pockmarks on The Big Unit’s face in HD.  Seriously.  His face looks like he’s been wearing a muzzle of bees.   Plus, he’s so old now that his first  win (of 303) came against an opposing pitcher named Jimmy Raup.   One day theologians will explain to us how a loving God, Allah, Jesus, etc. would allow a monster like Johnson to terrorize us in the safety of our own homes, but until then I’ll take my chances with Milo.

Tejada, Q, and Caballo all spank the Big Unit, but the Puma is rather timid in his presence, likely because there’s nothing to chat about at first base with someone who was taught English only recently as part of his transition from cryptozoological myth to semi-civilized man-beast.

Injury Report

Astros:

Aaron Boone: aquarium drinker

Doug Brocail: Busted hammy while learning double bass for career as a heavy metal drummer.

Giants:

Noah Lowry - strained shoulder giving a reach around to a casino queen.

Joe Martinez - fractured skull.  Holy shit.  Mike Cameron hit a liner off his face, and he must’ve hit the everlasting everything out of the ball.  Yeesh.

Promotions

Friday: Fireworks, courtesy of Men’s Wearhouse.  They will explode, I gaaaarenteeee it.  Also, George Zimmer: watch your back.  The ghost of Billy Mays is coming for you, motherfucker.

Saturday: Mini U.S. flags.  How original.

Sunday: A tasteful t-shirt.  These are the things we’d get if there weren’t a gat-dam Lil Puma bobblehead.

To Watch For:

• Lincecum’s dominance
• Cooper’s mistakes that go on and on and on.
• The Sea Beast
• The beautiful stadium in SF that everyone raves about, on a July 4th that holds a high temp of 69 (HELLO!) degrees, while you fucking roast during the biggest drought Texas has seen in a decade.
• Horribly contrived, obscure, running jokes that are only funny to yourself.

Discuss the games in the Game Zone!  Apologies to JaneDoe for blatantly ripping off her excellent conceit.

Astros 7
Padres 1

W: Moehler (5-4) | L: Silva (0-2)

MLB.com Recap
MLB.com Video Recap
AP! Recap! On Yahoo!
GameZone

The Good Guys picked up another series win – their eighth in the last ten – (Ed. - got a little ahead of things there) win with a decisive and LOLtacular 7-1 victory over the Fathers last night. The win brings Houston back to two gamers under .500, a strange point of resistance that they’ve been careening off of for at least six months now, by my rough calculations. 

Squared up against Pads righty Silva (The disaster with the 8+ ERA named Walter, not to be confused with the disaster with the 8+ ERA named Carlos), the ‘Stros scuffled through the order the first time, getting no-hit through three and a third innings to open the game. In there, Moehler chugged along, giving up just a solo jack to Alfonzo in the 2nd to fall behind 1-0.

The San Diego lead then evaporated hilariously in the top of the 4th, beginning with one out in the inning. Miggy, Twinkie, Flapjack and Blum rained singles down all over Indifference Field at Where The Fuck Is Everyone Ballpark, plating two for a one-run lead. After a brief break in the action for a Pudge lineout, Erstad got the train moving again with a walk, and Kaz knocked home a third run with yet another single.

So Moehler stepped in with two outs and the bases juiced, and Astros fandom feeling comfortable with banking the three runs already on the board, and calling it an inning. A weak grounder to third validated that, but SPEED KILLS AND BRIAN MOEHLER IS A LOADED GUN MOTHERFUCKER HOLY SHIT LOOK AT HIM GO. I assume some variation of that thought jammed into Chase Headley’s brain, because after he deftly plucked the short hop, a complete panic-freeze was in effect and all systems went into temporary shutdown. The look on his face was a poignant reminder of Gunther flying around first to be gunned down by infinity earlier this year – the terror and confusion that grips a man when he realizes that he is incapable of making his body do something rational and good, his actions seemingly controlled remotely and without authorization by an unseen and willfully stupid force.

Would've gone immediately to 1st, but his mind was a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

Headley first looked back toward third, which was holy shit balls far away and not at all a possibility, and after a pause for dramatic effect, skipping around and pants-shitting, his Freakout Gland kicked into action with a vengeance, causing him to heave the ball wildly off his back foot towards first. The throw skipped past Gonzalez on the outfield side and headed up the line in right while Blum and Erstad scored. Because Venable was inexplicably strolling in from right (nice courtesy effort there, guy), Gonzalez had to go chase the ball down while Kaz got waved home, and the throw to the plate crashed into the backstop right around the time the sixth run of the inning came across. Hooray tee ball! Sno-cones for everyone!

Please adjust your scouting report at third for Headley to read “needs work on decision-making and footwork; exhibits above-average comedic range and timing.” From there, not a lot happened – Moehler wound up with six innings of one-run ball, while Venti Fulchino and Hawk nailed down the final three frames. Kata drove in Erstad with a sac fly in the 9th to round out the scoring, then a pie fight broke out and Headley went to the movies for some reason, where he was shot. The end.

The Astros return to the Gulf Coast League (“GCL”) for the first time since 1998, and Ken Jackson at Around Osceola has an informative article discussing the return of minor league baseball to Osceola County Stadium.

Make-up of the GCL:

[The GCL is] made up of newly drafted high school players, young Caribbean-born players in the U.S. for the first time, and other minor-leaguers rehabbing from injuries.

Omar Lopez, GCL Astros manager and former coach for the Astros in the Venezuelan Summer League, on acclimating players to professional baseball and (in the case of the 18 Latin American players on his roster, to the US):

“I have to be a manager, a parent and a babysitter, but I only get one paycheck. The Latin guys are here for the first time, and they need a bilingual person to give them some idea of the culture and how to do a lot of things. The high-school guys have some idea, but we still find ourselves teaching them everything. But, we try not to adjust the games of the ones who have a better idea.”

Jay Edmiston, General Manager of the GCL Astros and Astros Assistant Director of Baseball Operations, on the Astros return to the GCL:

“We needed a league for the younger players, and it made sense to be where players who report for the spring and stay for the extended spring.”

Tanner Bushue on adjusting to moving away from a town of 900 people (and no stoplights):

“I’m taking it all in, adjusting the best way I can. Everybody talks about the hot weather (95 degrees Friday) but I worked out in Houston before the draft and it was hot there and it didn’t bother me.”

Lopez on pitching roles and goals:

“We’ve got to see their stuff and make sure they’re physically and mentally ready to go to the mound. It’s our job to find their role. Right now, we want them to locate and command their best pitch. By the end of the year, we’d like them to leave with a second and third pitch.”

____________________

A new season opens in Oneonta

Ed Weaver at The Saratogian takes a look at the 2009 Tri-City ValleyCats with first-year manager Jim Pankovits and new pitching coach Gary Ruby.

Pankovits on some of the positives for the ValleyCats:

“It’s going to be interesting to see how it evolves. But just on paper right now, we have a nice mixture of some veterans coming back; I call them veterans. They have two to three years of professional experience and experience playing here. Along with the new signees right out of the (2009) draft, having that mixture like that will help the transition for the new guys as well as provide some new blood.”

Pankovits on playing time:

“We want to see what the all can do. I think we have some nice versatility, some guys who can be interchanged here and there. Then eventually, their playing time will be dictated by their performance.

Pankovits on winning:

“We’re going to try to win, no doubt about it. That’s what it’s all about and the sooner they learn how to do that, the better. So, they’ll all get a chance to play early on and we’ll see from there. It’ll be fun to watch ‘em all play.”

Ruby on whether the starters would get to the fifth and sixth innings more than they did the previous year:

“I would think so. A lot depend on the college pitchers and how much they were used. We got all their (innings pitched, pitch-count) numbers and they’re pretty well-balanced. That should be OK. We’re tying to design the whole pitching program to keep everybody healthy and fresh.”

Ruby on the Astros ‘new’ pitch count philosophy:

“The organization has loosened our pitch counts. We want to get our starting pitchers as deep as possible in a game. Their health comes first but I think we have enough experience (on the coaching staff) to know how far somebody can go.”

____________________

Mier adjusting to the minors

Jonathan Mayo at Astros.com discusses adjusting to life in professional ball with first round pick Jiovanni Mier.

Mier finds professional ball a bit different than playing high school ball in California:

“I knew it was going to be much faster, but it’s a lot quicker than I expected. Everything is much faster. I’m coming from high school, so obviously the pitching is much harder, the runners are faster. High school competition wasn’t too bad, but it’s a huge step to the pitchers, they’re much more advanced. In high school, they’re basically fastball, curve. Here, they’ve got everything else and they can do a lot more with their pitches.”

It was nice to get a hit in his first professional at-bat:

“It was exciting. It was my first at-bat and I wanted to do something good. It wasn’t much, but it was exciting to be in front of the fans and such…. You always want to go out and make a good first impression. I was happy to be able to do that and get my feet wet a little bit.”

He was pleased that he was able to come to terms with the Astros as quickly as he did:

“It was really important. That was our goal coming into the Draft, get me signed and get me out there, get me as many at-bats as I could, get me acclimated to the Minor League season, so I can have a better chance heading into instructs, Spring Training and next year. I didn’t want to waste time with anything. We did a good job getting signed as quickly as I could.”

____________________

The Norris Express

Bud Norris has ‘caught the attention’ of Danny Davis at the Austin American-Statesman.

In his first season at the Triple-A level, Norris is leading the Pacific Coast League in earned-run average (2.17) and strikeouts (88). Among all Triple-A pitchers this season, Norris is second in strikeouts only to Tommy Hanson.

Being healthy has helped:

“I’m throwing the ball real well over the course of the year, and my health has held up. I’m going to keep letting the train keep going and throw every five days.”

The excellent numbers haven’t translated to wins though, but that doesn’t concern Norris too much:

“You go out there with the mind-set that your team is going to give you the best effort to win. I go out there every time just worrying about my job, and I know my guys are going out there and trying their hardest. Sometimes you get on the short end of the stick. But let’s not worry about one game; let’s worry about the course of the year and how the team ends up.”

While he’s progressing well, he still has some work to do:

Bombard said his young pitcher needs to work on controlling his fastball. Norris said he needs to improve on keeping base runners in check.

Is it time to make the next step?

“I’m worried about the Round Rock team now and pitching here and giving them the best opportunity to win. When the time is right, they’ll know when I’m ready.”

____________________

Bizarre Bazardo

How does a 24 year old pitcher with a career Triple-A ERA of 4.61 get traded twice, designated for assignment twice, outrighted once and end up with four different organizations? Fangraphs takes a look, but admits it doesn’t have the answers.

____________________

Castro is ‘Catching on’ in Corpus

Greg Rajan at the Caller-Times writes about Jason Castro’s rapid ascent through the minors.

Hooks president Ken Schrom was asked if his team’s newest player had a chance to make it to the major leagues. Schrom didn’t take long to point out that it was a matter of when, not if, Castro found his way into the Houston Astros’ lineup.

Castro on being called up to AA ball less than a year after signing with the Astros:

“It’s all happened real fast. I’ve been thankful for the opportunity I’ve been given. It’s been exciting and I’m looking forward to what’s to come, and the second half here in Corpus Christi.”

Castro on the differences he sees in playing AA ball:

“It’s been pretty good. When I first got here, I didn’t really know what to expect. After the first few games I played, I quickly recognized the jump in competition was definitely there. I’ve settled in and gotten more comfortable. I’d say (the biggest difference is) the speed of the game. The quality of pitching you see as a hitter is definitely better. And on the catching side, you’ve got to be a little smarter. The hitters are better, and they’ll punish you for it. You definitely have to be on top of your game at all times.”

Matt Galante on Astros revamped player development approach:

“Once we evaluate what we have, we’re going to get those guys here quicker because this is the level that separates the men from the boys.”

Hooks manager (and former MLB catcher) Luis Pujols on Castro:

“I think he’s holding his own and doing pretty well. I have worked with him on a couple of things, little details where the higher he goes, people will be looking more at it. I want him to be sure this is the right place to start learning those things, stuff like pitch selection, receiving and blocking.”

____________________

Lyles is ‘Finding His Groove’

Neil White at The State gives an update on former Gamecock signee Jordan Lyles.

Lyles has compiled a 4-6 record and 3.09 ERA while striking out a league-high 98 batters in 78 innings over 14 starts. He credits his maturation to learning to pitch inside — as well as using both sides of the plate to keep hitters off-balance. His ability to throw strikes may be best evidenced by his 16 walks.

Lyles on his progress:

“I’m kind of surprised by the strikeout totals, but since I’ve gotten into pro ball, my velocity has really gone up… I’m feeling good. I’m coming into myself a little more.”

Despite having signed with the Gamecocks, Lyles is happy that he made the decision to go pro:

“I can use the three or four years (he would have spent in college) to put into the minor league system, and I’ll be right there… I’m having fun.”

____________________

Timothy Gaffney with The Register Citizen catches up with Chris Blazek in Litchfield County after having surgery on his left shoulder (his pitching shoulder) to fix an 80-percent labrum tear.

____________________

The Round Rock Express official website puts the spotlight on Chris Johnson.

Astros Recap
Yahoo Recap

Fundamentals are the most valuable tools a player can possess. Bunt the ball into the ground. Hit the cutoff man. Take the extra base. Learn the fundamentals. –Dick Williams

Playing without the fundamentals is like eating without a knife and fork. You make a mess. –Dick Williams

It takes pitching, hitting and defense. Any two can win. All three make you unbeatable. –Joe Garagiola

Be on time. Bust your butt. Play smart. And have some laughs along the way. –Whitey Herzog

Most one-run games are lost, not won. –Gene Mauch

I have to admit, I had this game on the television last night, but did not watch it. I saw snippets, but pretty much slept through most of it. So, there probably won’t be much to my game analysis, not that there ever really is. It does seem like the Good Guys don’t like to win on Tuesdays.

Astros Highlights:

Mike Hampton pitched 6 innings giving up 1 run. Not bad since he just came off the DL.

Lance Berkman went 2 for 3 with a walk. He had 2 RBIs and scored a run also. I hope that he continues on the path to the Lance Berkman that caused the creation of the furries at Minute Maid Park.

Padre Highlights:

Heath Bell got his 22nd save of the season. This kid seems be pretty good. He almost got burned after giving up two walks (Jason Michaels and Ivan Rodriguez) by Michael Bourn, but was saved by Junior Gwynn.

David Eckstein, who I have not respected since 2005, had a decent night at the plate.

Game Analysis:

Seems as though the Astros are figuring out that playing good sound baseball can help them win. I hope so.

“I needed to hit the cutoff man, and I didn’t,” Pence said. “I think I tried too hard to throw him out at home when there really wasn’t much of a chance, and I should have just hit the cutoff man. When I was throwing it, I was trying to throw him out instead of hit the cutoff man. In hindsight, I should have just hit the cutoff man.”

Astros first baseman Lance Berkman said. “We just have to do a little bit better job of executing fundamentals.

They keep teasing us with a .500 record. I hope it happens with this series, but those games back sure seem hard to make up.

Bench Tidbits:

Heath Bell’s name makes me think of Dairy Queen Blizzards.

Houston finally got some rain yesterday, not nearly enough, but some is much better than none.

Check out Mark’s series preview for game information.

Read the GameZone for in-game reactions.

Happy Canada Day.

Box
Tag

West Coast baseball. Learn to love it this week. Especially those of us spending a few days on the East Coast for work.

Pudge homered, the middle of the order put together a couple of runs, and that was all Good Roy needed.

Roy faced a based-loaded, nobody out jam in the fourth, aided not the least by Pissant II, David Eckstein, sticking his arm into a pitch. Roy drew a pop infield fly, allowed his lone run on a WP, and then struck out 2 Padres to close the inning. Nary a Padre reached base for the rest of the game, and Roy gets himself another CG. 9 IP, 2 H, 2 BB, 1 R.

It bears repeating, because we seem to forget it every year (myself especially):

Oswalt, career:
Pre All-Star Break: 65-48, 3.42 ERA, .264/.312/.399 allowed
Post All-Star Break: 67-20, 2.89 ERA, .246/.292/.374 allowed

Let’s hope Roy has gotten to his ASB early this year.

After a Valverde tainted almost-sweep of the Detroit Tigers, the Good Guys hit the road on a West Coast swing to take on the Whale Vaginas of San Diego. Here’s my break down of it down and dirty style, mostly because I hate Mondays almost as much as I hate West Coast Road Trips.

Projected Starters from Astros.com

Monday

Roy Oswalt (3-4, 4.30) v. Josh Geer (1-2, 5.68)

Oswalt is rounding out in to form nicely right now. His last two starts he went complete game style against the Twins in a loss (gave up 5 runs, but 2 of them came in the 8th inning, when things were looking pretty grim already) and got a no decision against the Royals desipte leaving with the lead after pitching six masterful innings of one run baseball. He has good career numbers against the Padres, at Petco, and against most of the Padres hitters. The few notable exceptions: Brian Giles (15-50, 1 HR), David Dickstain (10-34, shockingly NO RBIs), Cliff Floyd (8-27, 2 HR and I didn’t even know he was still in the majors), and Adrian Gonzalez (6-13, 2 HR).

Geer sucks on ice. His ERA has been 5+ every month so far this year, he’s given up 17 home runs (7 of which were given up at home in 7 starts. Think about that for a second. 7 home runs AT Petcave!!!) in 70.2 innings. The bad news is, his last two starts have been decent to the tune of 3 runs over 6 innings. The Astros haven’t seen much of him, but their team numbers are pretty promising: 7 hits in 16 at bats, with a Miggy home run included in there.

Tuesday

Mike Hampton (4-5, 4.70) v. Josh Banks (0-0, 2.84)

Hampy is coming off the DL and going straight back in to the rotation for this start. He’s had a rollercoaster first few months of the season, pitching great in most of his wins and getting shelled in most of his losses. Petco should be a nice welcome back for Mike, as he can make some mistakes up in the zone without watching them scrape the ceiling, kill someone in the Crawford Boxes, shatter another windowpane on the left field wall, or put another dent in the goddamn train tracks. The Padres have managed to not see much of Mike, the only guy with any decent numbers against him is Brian Giles (15-39, 1 HR). Floyd (6-24, 1 HR) does okay against him. Everyone else that’s seen him hasn’t had any success at all.

I know what you’re asking now. Who the hell is Josh Banks? Well, I don’t know either. Apparently he was the Padre long reliever until Wade LeBlanc finally sucked enough to get sent back down to AAA. I can’t even imagine the things I would do to not get sent to Portland, but I’d imagine ol’ Wade’s knees are probably carpet burnt all to hell from his last ditch attempt to convince Kevin Towers to not ship him out. Unsurprisingly, none of the Astros have seen much of him. Three total hits between three players in seven tries between Miggy, Keppenger, and Jason Michaels (who hit a 2 run shibby in his only appearance against Josh).

Wednesday

Brian Moehler (4-4, 6.05) v. Walter Silva (0-1, 9.35)

The only person happier to be in San Diego than Lance Berkman (YIPPIE! They’ve got an awesome Zoo/Aquarium!) is Brian Moehler. Petco’s spacious outfield borders just might be enough to slow down the alarming ratio of giving up a home run every 5 innings. Brian Giles (6-19, 1 HR), Adrian Gonzalez (5-10), and David Dickstain (3-7) all have had some success against Brian.

Once again, I can hear you asking, “Mark, who the hell is Walter Silva?” And again, my answer to you is, “I have no fucking idea.” From what I can gather though, he isn’t exactly Cy Young. In 4 career starts, he’s given up 18 earned runs in 17 innings, including 3 home runs. His last start was a disaster, with the Rangers clubbing him for eight earned runs in 2 1/3 innings. Unsurprisingly, the Good Guys haven’t ever faced Walter… So expect him to actually channel some Cy Young this game.

Thursday

Wandy Rodriguez (6-6, 3.35) v. Kevin Correia (5-5, 4.23)

Wandy started the season off looking amazing, and has since slid back down to mere mortal levels, and his last 4 starts have either been amazing or so-so/terrible. The good news is, he’s definitely due for a good one against the Padres. Dickstain (7-18), Scott Hairston (4-9, 2 HR), Adrian Gonzalez (3-9, HR), and Brian Giles (4-13) all have had pretty good success against Wandy. Everyone else is pretty awful.

And once again, it’s time to play everybody’s favorite gameshow! WHO! THE FUCK! IS THIS PADRE PITCHER?!!?!? Again, I have no idea. Never heard of him. He had a pretty impressive June though, sporting a 4-2 record with a 3.08 ERA and a 34/6 K/BB ratio. The Astros haven’t seen much of him, and as a team are batting .240. Kaz is a putrid 0-8 against him, and pretty much everyone else has one hit in somewhere between two and six at bats. Kabong, on the other hand, is three of five with 2 doubles against him.

Notable Giveaways

Not a goddamn thing. No stupid looking bobblehead. No hobby horse. No nothing. You get nothing and like it. GOOD DAY SIR!

Injury Reports

Astros

Nothing new to report here. Aaron Boone still is recovering from a busted ticker. Doug Brocail is still suffering from some horrible torn something in his leg that makes me cringe every time I think about it.

Padres

Jesus Christ, I’m going to need to hire a temp to enter all this information…

Cha Seung Baek is the chinese chicken. With a strained tendon apparently.

Cliff Floyd is old… And on 60 day DL with a torn labrum.

Brian Giles has a right knee contusion and is on the DL until July 4th.

Jake Peavy has a partially torn tendon in his ankle, and is set to be examined on June 30th.

And here’s a list of the rest of the schlubs:
Luke Gregerson
Shawn Hill
Nick Hundley
Mark Prior
Will Venable
Mark Worrell

Our Interesting Things to Look For

Keep up with all the work-week action in the GameZone, if you can manage to stay up late enough to actually keep up with any of the games.

Tigers 4
Astros 3

W: Seay (1-1) | L: Valverde (0-2) | S: Rodney (17)

astros.com
AP via Yahoo!
Game Zone

The game seemingly at hand, 1-run lead with 2 outs in the 9th, Jose Valverde faced Marcus Thames, 0-3 already in the game. Quickly up 1-2, Valverde delivered 3 straight balls way outside the zone, Thames not even tempted to swing. The second pitch Valverde gave to Brandon Inge was very tempting and ended up deep in the Crawfords. The 2-run shot gave the Tigers all they needed to avoid the sweep the Astros were so close to tasting. 4-3 was the final, ending the Astros win streak at 3.

The Astros scored 2 to take the lead in the 4th and could’ve had more were it not for the dumbass sitting in the corner seat in left field foul territory.

Gunther’s laser down the left field line seemingly scored both Kepp and Carlos from 2nd and 1st. But upon closer inspection, numbnuts with the fancy seat and a raisin for a brain reached out and touched the ball, changing it’s direction slightly and prompting the umps to take Lee off of his supplemental oxygen and send him back to 3rd. What is it about the IQ of the people they allow to sit there? They have courtside seats in basketball, yet you don’t see some idiot reaching out to grab the ball durning the game. Not only should they be kicked out of the game but they should not be allowed back in again. Ever.

Ortiz pitched very well for his second straight start, allowing 2 runs in 7.1 and leaving with a 1-run lead and a chance for his 1st win since early May. He gave up 1 in the 5th on an RBI double by Inge and then 1 in the 6th on a solo shot by Granderson. Byrdak struck out the rest of the 8th, leading to Papa Grande’s fateful 9th.

Still, 2 of 3, the team looks cohesive. Go pound the Budweiser and bring on the Fathers!

Talk Zone

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Houston 8, Detroit 1

WP: Paulino (2-4), LP: Figaro (1-1)

HR: Matsui (2, 3^rd inning off Figaro), Santiago (6, 3^rd inning off Paulino)

Recaps: Paulino dominates Tigers in DL return (Grodsky, Astros.com); Astros hammer Tigers, held to 3 hits (Detroit Free Press); Paulino shuts down the Tigers as Astros win easily 8-1 (Ortiz, Houston Comical)

For more on the game, take a look at the Box Score or read about it in the Game Zone.

The Marriage Barrage of Figaro

Prologue: Will history repeat itself

The Good Guys have spent much of the season living the never ending saga of seeing opposing teams hammer their starter early, getting themselves on base but being unable to capitalize, and then getting their asses handed to them on a plate. Would Saturday night at MMPUS be yet another one of those games?

Act 1, Scene 1: The introduction of our protagonist

Enter Paulino, a hard throwing righty fresh off the disabled list. Paulino immediately establishes dominance over the opposition, retiring the first three Tiggers that he faces (via strikeout, fly and groundout).

Act 1, Scene 2: Things are looking good for the Good Guys, but along comes the Fool

Enter Figaro, starting pitcher for the Tiggers. Things do not begin well for Figaro, but it could be worse. Bourn singles, steals second and scores on a Carlos Lee single on a line drive to left field. Enter the Fool. Spaz flies out to right, and the Good Guys exit the scene with only a run to show for their efforts. Good Guys lead 1-0.

Act 2, Scene 1: The Tiggers continue to go gently into that goodnight.

Paulino continues to baffle the Tiggers, setting them down in order (via groundout, strikeout and strikeout).

Act 2, Scene 2: Running on empty

Figaro continues to battle, but is touched up again by the Good Guys. Matsui singles to right and advances to second on a passed ball. Bourn singles to right, scoring Matsui, but gets caught in a rundown to end the inning. Good Guys lead 2-0.

(Aside: I understand the long turn around first in an effort to allow a runner to score, but thought it was misplaced in this instance. Kaz is fast and was going to score easily, rundown notwithstanding. That said, Bourn hustled his ass off and but-for a dive by Inge to tag him out just as he was about to touch first base, Bourn would have beaten the 9-3-6-4-3-6-5 run down).

Act 3, Scene 1: Our protagonist suffers a blow, but continues in his quest for glory

Paulino strikes out the first batter he faces, but is touched up for a run by a homer from Santiago to right. He finishes the inning by striking out the next two batters he faces. Good Guys still lead 2-1.

Act 3, Scene 2: The Barrage of Figaro

As this scene opens, the Good Guys have put runners on first and second with a walk to Keppinger and a single by Tejada. Carlos Lee has just flied out. Figaro is still on the mound. Enter the Big Puma. Berkman smashes the first pitch he sees to the base of Tal’s hill (the ball continues to roll to the base of the wall). Keppinger and Tejada both score, and Berkman holds at second. The fool abandons his comedic role and transforms into Pence!!! with a double on a hard liner to left. The Big Puma scores. Matsui mortally wounds Figaro with a two-run blast to right. This scene ends with Good Guys up 7-1, and a dejected Figaro haplessly making his way to the dugout.

(Aside: For the first time in a while, the Astros got an opposing pitcher on the ropes and didn’t let up).

Epilogue: The Good Guys live happily ever after (or at least until the following day)

The Astros score once more in the bottom of the sixth when Quintero went home on a broken bat groundout by Keppinger. This was merely icing though, as Paulino was dealing. Paulino completed 7 strong innings on 96 pitches, holding the Tiggers to 1 run on 3 hits. Fulchino and Wright came in and retired all six batters that they faced. In the end, the Good Guys went home victorious, beating the Tigger 8-1 and assuring their 6^th series victory in the last 8.

By the numbers

3: hits by the Tigers

4: games back from the top of the NL Central

5: runs scored by the Astros in the 3^rd inning

7: batters retired in a row by Paulino to start the game (also the number of different touches by the Tigers in Bourn’s rundown)

9: strikeouts thrown by Paulino

17: batters retired in a row by Astros pitchers to end the game.

Quotes from the game

Paulino on his outing: “It was a good for me,” Paulino said. “I tried to focus on every pitch and make a good pitch every time to every hitter. My tempo was good. I didn’t give much time for the hitter.” (Astros.com)

Bourn on Paulino: “Paulino has great stuff. When he’s throwing that ball like that – 98-mph on the corners on both sides – because I can see it from center field, it’s hard to beat it. That slider was working down today. You see some of the swings they (were) taking, they (weren’t) seeing them too good.” (Chron.com)

Santiago on Paulino: “He was consistently at 97, 96, the whole game. He threw a really sharp slider and he was really good with the fastball. He was really strong.” (DFP)

Coop on Paulino: “[Paulino] was pretty dominant right from the start. That’s what we always thought that he could do, perhaps not nine punchouts and three hits, but a dominating performance. That was really outstanding.” (DFP); “Tonight was about Felipe Paulino. He did a great job and was pretty dominant from the start. He showed right from the first pitch that he was ready to go.” (Astros.com)

Coop on the offense: “The bats finally came alive, and we didn’t have to sweat it out. We’ve kind of been sweating out some of these wins. I thought a lot of guys contributed and swung the bats well, and we finally broke one open for a change.” (Astros.com)

Figaro on his outing: “Sometimes you are going to have a bad game, but they have all been telling me to keep my head up. There is nothing you can do about it. These things are going to happen.” (DFP)

Coming up next

Astros try to sweep the series against the Tigers. Russ Ortiz takes the hill for the Good Guys, with Edwin Jackson starting for the Tiggers. Game time 1:05.

And I’ll leave you with the following:

In (Astros) Memoriam, Brandon “Big Game” Backe: Dec. 14, 2004 – June 26, 2009

I’m sorry to see Backe’s time with the Astros end. While understandable and appropriate from an organizational standpoint, it is still rough to see one of your favorite players leave the team you love. Backe was a competitor, and left Astros fans with number of memorable moments during his time with the Good Guys.

Monday, October 18, 2004 at MMPUS (NLCS Game 5): Backe set up one of the greatest moments in MMPUS history (Kent’s 3-run shot off of Isringhausen) by holding the Jakes to 1 hit over 8 scoreless innings. (Backe’s line: 8.0 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 4 SO, 0 HR).

Sunday, October 16, 2005 at MMPUS (NLCS Game 4): Backe held the Jakes to 1 run over 5.2 innings, putting the Astros in a position to go up 3-1 in the series. (Backe’s line: 5.2 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 7 SO, 0 HR)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 at MMPUS (World Series Game 4): Down 0-3 in the series, Backe holds the ChiSox scoreless through 7, striking out 7 in the process. (Backe’s line: 7.0 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 7 SO, 0 HR)

Wednesday, April 9, 2008 at MMPUS: Backe and LaRussa’s gal-pal get into a heated exchange regarding Pooholes dirty take-out slide of rookie catcher J.R. Towles.

Good luck to you Brandon and thanks for some great memories. Who knows, maybe Hickey and the Hun could use another arm…

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