It’s almost done, this season, and I’ve been trying to make sense of it all. One thing I’ve learned in the TZ this season, is that if you want to talk baseball, the place to head is Montrose. So tonight instead of going to the game, before the Fiona Apple show, I headed to TC’s to talk to Miss Lola Laloosh.
I parked where no one could back into me. And by the way, Fiona Apple is one angry woman.
“Lola,” says I, “who from this team is left in three years?”
Lola is a handsome woman. Kind of big, but we sit at a table where she can see the game playing over the bar. I tell her I’ll never understand why such a beautiful woman hangs out at a gay bar.
“Darlin’, you are such a hoot, let me tell you I think that is an excellent question. Just look at the numbers. Altuve is alright, he’s got a .735 OPS with 32 steals, and his defense will improve. He’d never have a chance on another team, but he’ll still be here in three years.
“And I think Dominguez might be the real deal, though momma told me don’t fall in love in the spring or the fall. I do like that Dominguez, though, and I’m just a little bit in love.”
“And Harrell. 10 wins on this team? That boy is Walter Johnson.”
“And?” I asked.
“And what? You want Wallace to hit for average and power? Ain’t going to happen. I could teach that boy about swinging a big stick, but there ain’t no hickory involved.” Miss Lola winked. I had never known she was a batting coach. “Schafer is done. Maybe Maxwell, and he’s a boy who’d look fine in a dress . . .” I was a bit confused by that, but Miss Lola was on a roll. “There’s no more Boguesevic, and Castro, I think Castro has one season to see.”
“Miss Lola,” says I, “is there no star on this team?”
“Maybe Harrell,” says she, “maybe Harrell, and Altuve if he keeps playin’ the way he’s playin’ might pass for a star. For awhile.”
They were having drag races later in the evening, and I wanted to get out of TC’s before the big engines started revving. I can’t stand all that noise. I bid Miss Lola adieu and went off to Fiona Apple.
Meanwhile our 2012 Houston Astros did it up dandy. Lowrie had a 3-run dinger in the first, and there was not much in the game after. Maxwell and Wallace both hit HRs, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Wallace also had a triple, which would have been something to see. At some point in the game, Altuve stole 3rd.
Edgar Gonzalez started. Edgar Gonzalez? Who the hell is Edgar Gonzalez? He’s started 4 games? I have no idea who he is and I mostly pay attention. Tonight he only lasted 1.2 innings, and 6 pitchers followed. Injury? I reckon. Only two walks for the game, and 7 hits for the one run. Nice job by the bullpen.
By the way, Kris is just lucky that I’m such a faithful husband. Did I mention that Miss Lola is one fine looking woman?