Dickities 8, Astros 3
by Mr. Happy
Having wasted all of my hyperbolic venom on Saturday’s recap, I’m forced to resort to discussing the cold hard facts about tonight’s game against the Dickities while filling in less than admirably for Budgirl. The story of tonight’s game begins – and ends – with the numbers.
The first number that stuck was the number 8, which is the number of runs that the Dickities scored. The second number was the number 3, which is the number of runs that the Astros scored. Other numbers are even relevant, you ask? Bear with me, I have a point to all of this, and I figure that if I write about tonight’s shitfest long enough, I’ll stumble upon it.
The next number that stands out is the number 5, which is the number of runs that the incompetent bully surrendered in but three innings of work. It’s also the number of alleged pitchers who trotted out there after Wandy. The Regulators? Even though Myers is gone, they can ditch that spot, consigning it and that insipidly stupid name to the depths of Hell. It’s more like the Irregulators.
The next number, you ask? The number, this time a percentage, .370, which was the Dickities batting average tonight, banging out 17 hits, which is another number that hits you like a ton of bricks. They came into tonight’s game hitting a very modest .251. The next two numbers that were blatantly obvious were 7-16 and 2-12, which is the RISP stat for the Dickities and Astros, respectively. As bad as the Astros pitching on the whole was and as well as the Dickities hit w/RISP, it’s a wonder that they didn’t score 18 runs. They had 15 LOBsters. Of course, the home nine had 13 of their own, leaving the bases loaded twice without scoring.
The next set of numbers that I’ll trouble you with are 2 (the number of errors that the Astros committed) and 34-63, which is our record now. Which brings me to my final number, which is 1. Nope, that’s not the number of folks in the stands at game’s end (but it is close). It is the number of the draft pick that we’ll no doubt secure next summer. I told you that I’d come across a point, and it is this. It’s going to be a long time before next year’s draft. As well as Luhnow, et al. seemed to do this year’s amateur draft, that’s the silver lining. You see, all’s well that ends well.