There is a whole new level of crazy to decide to dance with a snake for sacrifical reasons. Not that there is anything appreciably wrong with folks just trying to appease the gods with such stupidity, but it just doesn’t seem like the best idea to me. I cannot imagine Jobu or any baseball god having any sort of mercy on a soul or collective soul wishing for divine intervention when there is 1) less than palatable music, 2) sweaty human(s), and 3) pissed off reptile(s) involved. But then again, one never knows if some the BBGs come from the Appalachian Mountains and like this sort of thing. Cue crazy eyed Jordan Schafer and some banjo music and we might just have us a slump-buster party. Woo-hoo!
Houston Astros vs. Arizona D’Backs
Chase (corrupt financial institution) Ballpark
Face it, the Houston Astros are imploding. Not in a “big bang, wow, look at the fireworks, that’s FANtastic” sort of way. More of a “death by a thousand paper cuts, can one more player be traded and/or injured this season, what the hell was that play?” sort of way. Means it’s frustrating to watch for the loyal followers of the Houston nine. Honestly, it’s getting to be borderline humiliating to watch the big bullies of the National League pick on the 90 lb weakling Astros. If only there was a super-hero in the MLB to step in and protect these under… ah… privileged? performing? talented? all of the above?…. players. No, that would take a spine on the part of Bud Selig, which leads us, of course, back to snakes. Maybe the whole thing is that Houston did dance with a snake and are now paying for their sins.
So we, as fans, are left with watching non-competitive fights betwix the Astros and whoever is lining up next to take a free punch at them. This series, coupled with the jettison of even more players today to Canada, is not going to be any different. How is this for starters: Arizona has dominated Houston in recent years, winning 14 of its last 18 overall and 15 of 21 at home.
Bud Norris vs Trevor Cahill
Friday, July 20
Pray for rain. Oh damn, they have a roof on that damn stadium of theirs! Oh well. Here is the deal, doesn’t matter who is pitching *for* the opposition. It matters who is pitching *for* the Astros. Bud Norris just doesn’t look right after coming back from an injury. He doesn’t have the sharpness on his slider and that makes him highly dependent on a fastball. Not that this is a bad thing, just that you have to locate that bad boy to make it work. Bud has not won a game, or even come close to it in his last six tries. More struggle ahead may be the order of the day because quite frankly the Arizona D’Backs don’t lose much at home. The Astros also don’t win on the road. What a perfect match. Aye!
J.A. Happ (oh wait!) vs Wade Miley
Saturday, July 21
Don’t know yet who is starting for Houston on Saturday, perhaps young Dallas Keuchel. You see, Houston, in all it’s wisdom, traded their starter to Toronto. Wise move Astros. So now we’re left with a bit of confusion, but alas, does that little shakeup hurt the chances of winning a game (or series)? Not really when you think the chances of winning aren’t that good to begin with. See versus D’Backs, losing streak. Still there is always… who am I kidding, pray for… oh nevermind!
Jordan Lyles vs Josh Collmenter
Sunday, July 22
How the heck do the D’Backs manage to trot out pitchers with under 4.00 ERAs when they have one of the worse bandbox stadiums in the league? I mean, it supposed to be a hitter’s haven this side of Colorado. Not that that means anything to the “in a funk” Houston offense. The local nine could play at the little league field near my house right now and maybe scratch out a couple of runs. They’d have to play the little league all-stars to do it though.
Okay, maybe not! Seems like more of the same crazy person dancin’ with a snake to me.
Follow if dare the series goings on in the Gamezone. Barf bags not included.