The Astros fly into Birdland with their tails between their legs and whimpering like a sick puppy.  Coming off a series where they were outscored by 20 runs in 4 games, the outlook doesn’t get much better.  The Redbirds have stocked their arsenal with the likes of Matt Halliday, Mark DeRosa and Julio Lugo, hoping to put the rest of the NL Central firmly in their rear view mirror.  Well, those fuckers better watch out because we put Ortiz to rest and called up Bud Norris.  That’ll teach’em.

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I haven’t been this torn about a subject since realizing the Scarlett isn’t a good actress as much as she is a good whisperer.  I love the city of Chicago almost as much as I hate the Cubs.  The fucking Cubs.  If they resided in a city that I despised (like Jacksonville), my hate would multiply and increase in power like motherfucking Voltron.  As is, I’ve spent plenty of time in Chicago (even visiting Wrigley once), and I find the people to be friendly, the weather pleasantly brisk, the restaurants fantastic, and it tops the list of cities to which I’d move if Harris County is finally swept out to sea by a God angry at us for tolerating Joel Osteen’s pseudo-Christian pap.  Still, I haven’t come to praise Chicago, but to bury the Cubs.

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