The Astros won the last three interleague series, each by a two-games-to-one margin. They’re slowly creeping back up toward the .500 mark, but are still double-digits behind the delusional Cubs. They also decided to run Elvys out there, and they’ve shown Chacon the door, because he’s such a pain in the fucking neck. Turns out he really didn’t care for Ed Wade’s new cafeteria plan.
Meanwhile, the Dodgers just lost two of three to the Los Angeles of Anaheim Angels in the Outfield. They’ve really dropped off since Rafael Furcal hurt his back, and they’re also without Nomah and AndrUw. Chad Billingsley is leading the Dojers in wins, though his record is only 7-7. The NL West is sucking balls this year with the Snakes leading the division with a 41-41 record. If the Astros were in the West, they’d be two games out of first place right now. And if Pam Gardner had balls she’d be Andyzipp’s uncle. He’d have to take a new photo and everything.
By the way, enjoy the last four games of this homestand because the Astros won’t be home again until July 18.
Minute Maid Park
Monday, June 30, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Tuesday, July 1, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Wednesday, July 2, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Thursday, July 3, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Tuesday – Big Puma T-shirts from Gallery Furniture. Not bad, but I’d say Mattress Mac saved some money on those. And they’re still better than anything the Little Pumas wear.
Wednesday – An Astros grill set, with a handy fork you can use to poke Cecil Cooper and see if he’s done yet. And there will also be “Patriotic Fireworks,” which are not to be confused with the liberal hippy fireworks that don’t support the troops.
Thursday – Heck of an afternoon showing by the Marketing Department here, with visors, dollar hot dogs, Jerseys Off the Back, and a concert by Max Stalling.
Projected Matchups from Astros.com
NOTE – Dodgers’ starter Hiroki Kuroda is scheduled to come off the DL during this series, and if he gets a start then it will fuck up the projected pitchers line-up. Hopefully he won’t back in time, because Berkman, Lee, Tejada, Bourn, Pence! and Wigginton are a combined 1-for-15 against him.
Monday
Eric Stultz (2-0, 0.60) v. Roy Oswalt (6-8, 4.77)
Stultz is a crafty lefty who has made a few appearances in the Majors in the last three years. He’s mainly been a reliever but also has a few spot starts here and there; this will be his 10th Major League start. He got called up this season for an emergency appearance when Brad Penny went on the DL, but since he’s now the only Dodger starter with a winning record, he’ll probably keep his spot in the rotation. He’s never faced the Astros, though Geoff Blum is 0-for-1 against him.
Roy has been pretty mediocre this season, though he’s had quality starts in five of his last six appearances. Several Dojers have faced him in the past, though many of them are also on the DL. Juan Pierre is 12-for-34 (.353) against Roy, but only one of those hits was for extra bases. Bluebonnet is 4-for-11 against Roy.
Tuesday
Clayton Kershaw (0-2, 4.36) v. Wandy Rodriguez (3-3, 2.58)
Kershaw is a baby-faced 20-year-old from Dallas, making his eighth start of the season. He’s had control problems lately and walks a lot of batters. He’s never faced the Astros.
On the opposite side of the coin, we have wily old veteran Wandy who has the best ERA among Astros starters. He’s 2-1 against the Dodgers with a 2.29 ERA. Watch out for Jeff Kent today, because he’s 3-for-5 with two doubles and a homer off Wandy.
Wednesday
Chan Ho Park (3-2, 2.52) v. Runelvys Hernandez (0-1, 5.40)
Park is on his fourth team in four seasons, which included a one-game career with the goddamn Mets. He’s been working out of the bullpen this year but also has three starts. He faced the Astros earlier this season and gave up three hits in three innings. Several Astros have seen him before, including Darin Erstad who is 12-for-44, and Geoff Blum who is 8-for-25 with four doubles and two homers. Berkman, Loretta, and Lee have also hit well against Park.
Elvys went five innings and got the loss Friday against the Red Sox. He faced the Dojers at some point in his career and got a win. Jeff Kent is 2-for-3 against him, and Danny Ardoin is 2-for-2 with a double.
Thursday
Chad Billingsley (7-7, 3.38) v. Brandon Backe (5-8, 5.12)
Billingsley took a loss against the Astros earlier this season, giving up six hits and four earned runs in five innings. Lee and Berkman are a combined 3-for-17 against him, and no one currently on the Astros has homered off him in 54 at-bats. Erstad and Tejada are both 1-for-2 with two RBI.
Backe only got one win in five starts during June, so maybe July will be better for him. He has one appearance against the Dodgers, but no record. Juan Pierre is 2-for-5 with a double against Backe, and Bluebonnet is 1-for-2 with a double.
Injury Report
Los Angeles – Rafael Furcal, AndrUw Jones, and Nomar Garciaparra are all on the DL and all three will begin AAA rehab assignments on Monday. So I guess the Las Vegas 51s will be having some sellouts this week. On a sad note, apparently the 51s no longer have the Hawaiian Luau Night promotion, where the players wear Larry Dierker-like floral print shirts and sell them after the game. I got two awesome shirts that way, and as an added bonus one of them came on a night when the 51s played the Zephyrs and Adam Everett hit a towering home run. And speaking of Everett, he’s in his second DL stint of the year for the Twins.
Anyway, back to the Dojers. Others on the DL include catcher Gary Bennett, third-baseman Tony Abreu, reliever Scott Proctor, and starters Jason Schmidt (on a rehab assignment), Hiroki Kuroda, and Brad Penny.
Also, Juan Pierre hurt a knee while stealing second base Sunday; he’s listed as questionable for this series, so he may not be as speedy as usual.
Houston – Felipe Paulino is still out. Kazuo Matsui is out with the hamstring problem until at least July 8.
Interesting Things
* How’s this for odd? Looking at the MLB home run leaders, you have to go through eight names before you find an American Leaguer. And the two guys tied for the lead are both second basemen.
* Whataburger can barely squeeze a commercial into the Astros broadcasts these days because of all the dumbass truck companies begging you to please oh please take these goddamn monstrous gas-guzzlers off their hands. You can get 0% financing, $4,000 off, $6,000 off, employee pricing, or subsidized gasoline, on a ridiculously huge F-950, Excursion, Expedition, Tundra, Armada, Titan, or anything else that’s large and not selling. By the end of the season you’ll be able to get a free pickup with every Whatachicken.
* On a related note, in Grand Theft Auto IV if you steal a Patriot or a Cavalcade, the Russian mob will give you a healthcare plan, $6,000 cash back, and a hooker. Plus if you run over Toby Keith you unlock the Douchebag achievement and score valuable status points with Natalie Maines.
Discuss today’s game in the Gamezone.
