By Craig Elliott

Miller Park

The Astros somehow managed to pull out a win Sunday in Arlington, despite a monumental bullpen meltdown. The Rangers’ radio announcers helpfully pointed out that the Houston bullpen has now blown more games than it’s saved. Anyway, the Rangers still put the Silver Boot up the Astros’ ass to win the pretend rivalry for this year. I’m sure someone somewhere keeps up with how the “rivalry” stands overall, but fuck if I know. Or care. At least interleague play is done for another year and we can get back to real baseball.

The Brewers are turning the Central into a sausage-fest this year and will probably win the division. Not because they’re very good … they just aren’t bad. Which unfortunately makes them better than anyone else in the division. Exhibit A: the bumble-fuck Cubs are four games under .500 and are still in second place.

The Brewers have won 9 of their last 11, and Prince Fielder is leading the league in homers (26) and RBI (61). Ben Sheets and Jeff Suppan both have eight wins.

Monday, June 25, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, June 26, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, June 27, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN

So I’ve bitched and moaned about how I never get to see any Astros games because the fucking Rangers are always on Fox Sports. I figured at least I’d get to see a few games this series, but no, I only got the Friday ass-kicking. I’d have a better chance of seeing an Astro if he got demoted to the minors or joined the rodeo circuit.

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Monday
Jason Jennings (1-1, 3.63) v. Ben Sheets (8-3, 3.19)

Jennings got his first win as an Astro last week, nearly three months into the season. He has four career appearances against the Brewers with a record of 2-0. Craig Counsell is 11-for-28 against Jennings, with two homers and two doubles. Geoff Jenkins is 3-for-5.

Sheets threw a complete game against the Giants in his last outing. His nine wins over the Astros are the most he has against any team, though he also has eight losses. Current Astros have a whopping 285 at-bats against Sheets, with 73 hits and 11 homers. Bidge and Berkman each have four homers off him, and Everett, Lamb, and Ensberg have one each. Berkman has 17 hits off him, and 17 strikeouts.

Tuesday
Wandy Rodriguez (4-6, 4.20) v. Claudio Vargas (6-1, 4.09)

Wandy has seven career appearances against the Brewers for a 2-3 record, and an ERA that’s making eyes at 5.00. Corey Hart is 7-for-12 against him, and J.J. Hardy is 2-for-6 with two homers.

Vargas is 3-2 against the Astros, giving up 30 hits in 30 innings. Biggio is 1-for-12 against him, and Berkman is 2-for-12 with five strikeouts. Carlos Lee and Morgan Ensberg each have two homers off him. The Brewers are 11-2 in Vargas’ starts this season, though he hasn’t gone past the sixth inning in any of them.

Wednesday
Woody Williams (3-10, 5.75) v. Jeff Suppan (8-7, 4.90)

This game could be a pitching suck-fest, because both starters have been awful lately. While they’re both ex-Cardinals who’ve been through the LaGenius Meatgrinder, I bet neither is around for the sausage races in the seventh inning.

Woody is 12-6 against Milwaukee, but that was an earlier incarnation; he’s lost five of his last seven starts for Houston. For the Brewers, Damian Miller is 11-for-25 against Woody, and Counsell has two homers. Though Counsell is only 8-for-49 against him overall.

Over his last nine starts, Suppan is 3-5 with an ERA that’s trying to feel 7.00’s tits. And in his last start he got rocked by the Royals before the Brewer offense bailed him out. He has a 2-6 record in 10 appearances against the Astros. Berkman and Lee each have two homers off him, and Mark Loretta is 6-for-11 with a homer.

Injury Report

Houston – Brad Lidge is supposed to be resting, but he keeps falling out of bed when his shoulder flies open. Adam Everett is out until at least August, so Carlos Lee is having to play left field by himself. In theory.

Milwaukee – Chris Capuano, Elmer Dessens, and Corey Koskie are all out until mid-July. J.J. Hardy was questionable for the weekend series, so he may still be banged up.

Our Interesting Things To Look For

• It was cool seeing Ma and Pa Pence getting interviewed Friday, especially with Mom rocking the Chester Charge T-shirt. Too bad she didn’t have an OWA shirt, but MLB would have just sued her ass anyway.
• I guess Carlos Lee will probably be the Astros’ All-Star representative, but I think Pence is the only one who deserves to go. And maybe Roy.
• Even when I get a TV broadcast this year, it’s pretty hard to watch this lazy-ass team just going through the motions. They really should let Bagwell suit up for the Biggio festivities, just so he can call everyone “lolly-gagging pussies” and kick them in the ass. Every time you think this team is about to put something together and make a run, someone steps in a pile of shit and tracks it all over the dugout. Or all over the shortstop’s leg.
• Speaking of shit piles, Dan Wheeler took two colossal steaming dumps Sunday. Maybe it’s better that the game wasn’t on my TV, because I imagine Phil Garner’s scowl would be permanently burned into the screen.
• I just thought of a new nickname proposal. Carlos “Muhammed” Ah-Lee. He lands a bomb now and then, but his baserunning and outfield coverage are more shuffling rope-a-dope. Plus his glove is awfully shaky.

Discuss today’s game in the GameZone.