Falling asleep Thursday night wasn’t easy. It wasn’t just the excitement of watching Craig Biggio put the finishing touches on his Hall of Fame credentials by becoming the 27th member of the 3,000-hit circle. It was also a hint of sadness that the sun is now almost at the horizon, setting on the greatest era in Houston baseball history.
By MRaup
Minute Maid Park
Thursday, June 28, 7:05. CDT - FSN
Friday, June 29,, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, June 30, 6:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Sunday, July 1, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
June 27, 2007
Astros 3, Brewers 6
W: Bush (6-6) | L: Borkowski (1-3)
The End is Near: 2,997 (0-1)
Relive the Game Zone
Be the first most recent to throw in your wild-ass theoretical trades in the Talk Zone
Other coverage:
The Footer Recap
AP Recap
Short(ish) recap of a long game
I thought I’d have about 2,000 words in me for this one, but work’s not letting up, so we’re going to come in a hair under this week. The poop snowball is really rolling downhill now, gaining velocity and mass, as the Good Guys got swept out of Milwaukee in 11 innings yesterday. (more…)
By Craig Elliott
Miller Park
The Astros somehow managed to pull out a win Sunday in Arlington, despite a monumental bullpen meltdown. The Rangers’ radio announcers helpfully pointed out that the Houston bullpen has now blown more games than it’s saved. Anyway, the Rangers still put the Silver Boot up the Astros’ ass to win the pretend rivalry for this year. I’m sure someone somewhere keeps up with how the “rivalry” stands overall, but fuck if I know. Or care. At least interleague play is done for another year and we can get back to real baseball.
The Brewers are turning the Central into a sausage-fest this year and will probably win the division. Not because they’re very good … they just aren’t bad. Which unfortunately makes them better than anyone else in the division. Exhibit A: the bumble-fuck Cubs are four games under .500 and are still in second place.
The Brewers have won 9 of their last 11, and Prince Fielder is leading the league in homers (26) and RBI (61). Ben Sheets and Jeff Suppan both have eight wins.
Monday, June 25, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, June 26, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, June 27, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
So I’ve bitched and moaned about how I never get to see any Astros games because the fucking Rangers are always on Fox Sports. I figured at least I’d get to see a few games this series, but no, I only got the Friday ass-kicking. I’d have a better chance of seeing an Astro if he got demoted to the minors or joined the rodeo circuit. (more…)
Astros at Brewers, 6/25/07
Score: Brewers 6, Astros 1
W: Sheets (9-3) L: Jennings (1-2)
Homeruns: Lee (13), Hardy (18), Fielder (27)
March to 3000: 2,996 (DNP)
Read Alyson’s Report Here: Footer
Or the AP recap here: ESPN
Flat. Apathetic. Tedious.
Consult you own thesaurus for other words to describe the Astros’ performance in this one. (more…)
June 23, 1007
Rangers 7
Astros 2
W: Wright | L: Oswalt
Biggio sits strategically at 2993
Light-hitting Game Zone
Where’s the Shiner 98? Find out in the Talk Zone
Other coverage:
Alyson talks to Roy
AP via Yahoo!
The Silver Boot needs to kick this team in the ass. The offense wilted in the north Texas sun and the big inning continued to hurt Houston pitching as the Astros dropped another one to the fucking stRangers, 7-2. That’s 3 straight if you’re counting.
(more…)
Rangers 11, Astros 3
W: Millwood (4-6) | L: Williams (3-10)
Seven hits shy of 3000 for Biggio (2993, 1-5)
AP recap
Footer wrap
Woody Williams had a bad game. He started shaky by allowing three hits and a run in the first inning, and allowed another run on a walk and a hit in the second. Woody seemed to regain his effectiveness by escaping a three-walk jamb in the third, and retired the side in order in the fourth. By the time he took to the hill in the fifth, his teammates had spotted him with a 3-2 lead. The slim lead quickly vanished as he gave up a single then back-to-back homers and he was quickly yanked, throwing 103 pitches in his 4+ innings and down 5-3 on the scoreboard. (more…)
By Foghorn
Rangers Ballpark in Arlington
Friday, 7:35 PM on FSSW
Saturday, 2:55 PM on FOX (sweet, we get to see Jeanne Zelasko, owner of the biggest set of man hands this side of Rachel Ray)
Sunday, 7:35 PM on KNWS
Notable giveaways
In honor of Sammy the Clown’s 600th Home Run, the Rangers are giving all fans 16 and older a free 10cc injection of Durabolin. There are other festivities planned as well to celebrate the Hippy Hoppy Bunny’s historic HR, including:
–a pre-game demonstration on proper bat corking techniques
–loud salsa music blared over the PA to the annoyance of everyone else
–premature HR celebration/trot on fly balls to the warning track
–and much, much more.
(more…)
June 20, 2007
Astros 4, Los Anaheim Halos at Disney 8
W: Carrasco (2-1) | L: Borkowski (1-2)
The End is Near: 2,992 (0-5)
Bask in the Game Zone majesty (particularly, absorb the emotional transition between pages 12 and 14)
Discuss the possibility of carrying as many as 14 pitchers in the Talk Zone
Other coverage:
AP Recap
The Footer Recap
I want so badly to see a pitcher bat again
Beer league’s almost over, kids. Hang in there. Hang in there. The ‘Stros dropped the rubber game 8-4 with another 7th inning clusterfuck, marring a good outing by Wandy and a strong performance by Thunder Pants at the plate. (more…)
Smarch 13, 2013
Obliques: Eleventy, Shoulders: 0
W: Sammy Davis, Jr. | L: Spuds MacKenzie
Other coverage
Super Karate Monkey Death Car
The original title of this book was ‘Jimmy James, Capitalist Lion Tamer’ but I see now that it’s… ‘Jimmy James, Macho Business Donkey Wrestler’… you know what it is… I had the book translated in to Japanese then back in again into English. Macho Business Donkey Wrestler… well there you go… it’s got kind of a ring to it don’t it? Anyway, I wanted to read from chapter three… which is the story of my first rise to financial prominence… I had a small house of brokerage on Wall Street… many days no business come to my hut… my hut… but Jimmy has fear? A thousand times no. I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey strong bowels were girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo… dung. …Glorious sunset of my heart was fading. Soon the super karate monkey death car would park in my space. But Jimmy has fancy plans… and pants to match. The monkey clown horrible karate round and yummy like cute small baby chick would beat the donkey.
Mr. James, what did you mean when you wrote bad clown making like super American car racers, I would make them sweat, War War?
Well, you know… it’s LIKE when a clown is making like a car… racer… it’s sorta… like… the FCC. The CLOWN… the clown is like the FCC… and I was opposed to the FCC at the time, right? So it was like I was declaring War. WARRRR!
So then did the American yum yum clown monkey also represent the FCC?
Yeah, it did. Thanks a LOT!
Astros at Angels, 6/18/07
Score: Angels 10, Astros 9
W: Rordriguez (1-2) L: Borkowski (1-1)
Homeruns: Scott (7), Lamb (6)
March to 3000: 2,990 (1-6, one gawdawful throw)
Read Alyson’s Report Here: Footer
Or the AP recap here: Yahoo!
Once again, we repeat our mantra: Fuck the West Coast.
(more…)
The Astros took a long time to get going in this draft. They were the last team to select a player; their first was the 111th player selected. They were without first and second round picks thanks to the free-agent signings of Carlos Lee and Woody Williams. Their first round selection was forfeited to the Texas Rangers for Lee. They took RHP Blake Beavan. The San Diego Padres received the Astros second round pick as compensation for Williams and took 2B Eric Sogard. Prior to the draft the Astros added two players. Chris Frye was added as a 5th year senior free agent from NAIA power LSU-Shreveport about a week and a half before the draft. He hit .325 with 16 doubles, 9 triples, and 7 homers. He stole 30 bases and was named first-team All- Conference. He should be assigned to Tri-City. The Astros also signed three 2006 DFE candidates, Andy Launier, Axel Gonzalez, and Rafeal Parks. Launier hit .288 with 11 doubles and 8 homers for Sierra Junior College. Gonzalez hit .353 with 14 doubles and 6 homers at Wabash Valley Junior College. Parks attended Georgia Military Junior College. Oddly they have no baseball program. We are not sure why he went there, but the Astros still wanted him to play baseball and signed him. All three will likely be assigned to Greeneville. They are the Astros last DFE candidates to sign.
As has been discussed in the Bus Ride Discussion Forum last year’s draft was the last that DFE’s are allowed thanks to the agreements in the new Collective Bargaining Agreement. As such the approach to this draft was a little different in the later rounds with teams choosing players with intent to sign them rather than encouraging them to go the junior college, JUCO, route and follow their progress. We’ll see how that plays out with signing later round JUCO and high school draftees. The Astros now have until just August 15 to sign players or lose all rights to them. (more…)
By Taras Bulba
Astros (30-39) at Angels (44-26)
Angel Stadium of Anaheim
AKA “The Halo” “The Horns of Hattin”
Monday, June 17, 9:05 CDT-FSN
Tuesday, June 18, 9:05 CDT-KNWS
Wednesday, June 19, 9:05 CDT-FSN
Houston completes its tour of the American League West with a scratch and sniff of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Greater Orange County, a team that has raped and pillaged its way to a record in major league baseball second only to the Red Sox. Yeah, they’re a bunch of Angelinos, fond of doing lunch and using “babe” a lot in sentences, but this team has been a juggernaut, going 27-9 since May 9th after some early season injuries. Sterling starting pitching, a solid bullpen, and serial raking occurring throughout the lineup has meant bad news for opposing teams. However, a couple of injuries on Saturday to their number five and six hitters (Garret Anderson and Casey Kotchman) may slow them down a bit. At least it will give Scioscia something to do and keep him a little busy ( managing a real good team in the Arena League most often finds him already passed out under the buffet table before the game has even ended). So, what’s so good about the Angels? The team is fast—both in the field and on the bases (they lead the AL in steals). Left fielder Reggie Willitz and and centerfielder/HGH enthusiast Gary Matthews, along with third baseman Chone Figgins provide speed at the top and bottom of the lineup. Orlando Cabrera is having a banner year at short, both in the field and at the plate. They’ve got solid catchers in Mike Napoli and Jose Molina and a young star in Howie Kendrick at second. And then there is Vladimir “Salahadin” Guerrero. Like Moises Alou, he enjoys urinating on his hands and knocking the shit out of the ball. Vlad is not picky about the strike zone—he’ll hit the ball wherever. He’s not fond of speaking English and can take some curious routes to balls hit to right field (is there a correlation?). But he can damn sure come up firing when he gets to a ball hit his way. That means you, Lance Berkman. Pitching wise, the Angels are looking impressive, with Lackey, Cologne, Escobar, and Santana anchoring the rotation and a bullpen that has exhibited real shut down effectiveness with Shields and Carrasco setting up Francisco Rodriguez. They are exactly the type of club that can dominate—they can score and they can defend.
You’re not in Kansas City, Dorothy Astro. Better add some steak to go with the sprouts if you want to beat these boys.
By ’strosrays
SMELLS LIKE TEAM SPIRIT
Here we are now, entertain us
Mariners (35-28) at Astros (27-39)
Minute Maid Park, 501 Crawford St., Houston, TX 77002
a/k/a “The Heart-Shaped Man In A Juice Box”
*********
▪Friday, June 15 (7:05 p.m. CDT) – FSN
▪Saturday, June 16 (6:05 p.m. CDT) – KNWS (Kick-ass Nine Watt Signal)
▪Sunday, June 17 (1:05 p.m. CDT) – FSN
********
Fell On Black Days
Whatsoever we’ve feared has come to life. The Astros, who admittedly had some pretty obvious holes coming into the 2007 season, have verified about ten times over by now that they are, at best, presently a mediocre team. Any sliver of hopeful news, or brief interlude of good play, is almost immediately followed by some depressing reminder that this team ain’t going anywhere anytime soon. Two steps forward, three steps back.
Well, it is depressing if one thought they were going anywhere in the first place. And we won’t even get into the agonizing, vein-popping daily hell the fans who know better than Tim Purpura and Phil Garner and everybody else combined are going through. The season could’ve been saved if those idiots had only listened! Instead, their little conspiracy of mediocrity has prevailed once again. Goddammit! Line up the bastards, all we want is the truth. It is enough to make one want to call up Rich Lord, or Charlie Palillo. How would we know that this could be our fate?
On the other hand, the world weary, cynical Astros fan who expects nothing good to ever happen, in a fear-driven attempt to protect himself from any disappointment at all (God bless, what a sensitive mess), is no better than the hot-headed morons who think they know the answers, if only someone would fucking listen.
One of the hardest life lessons being an Astros fan has taught me is that a good deal of the time, things don’t go my way at all, and there is not a fucking thing I can do about it. There is no recourse, no one I can call and complain to, no one’s ass I can go kick to make it all better. Sometimes, even, you’ll find me sitting by myself, no excuses that I know. I just have to take it, all the better if I can do so with a little grace, and then move on. It takes some time to learn this, and how to do it; to balance precariously between being an angry know-it-all, and a baseball nihilist. Of course, like a surprising number of things one can learn from playing and/or being a fan of baseball, this almost existential patience has direct applications to everyday life as well. I used to marvel at my parents’ ability to wait seemingly forever for me to come around, while I was careening around all wild-ass and directionless from about age 14 to 25 or so. But I finally did come around (sort of), and all the while they exhibited this preternatural calm and patience with me, like they knew it would come eventually, all along. The thing is, when I became aware enough to realize what they had so amazingly done, basically having shepherded me (and three equally unrestrained siblings) through the minefield of adloescence and young adulthood, in the anything goes 1970’s, no less, and with a lot of extra crap and obstacles thrown in, all the while maintaining a measure of dignity and not going out of their fucking minds; well, I was awestruck by it. It reminded me of watching a concert pianist, or someone who was really good at woodworking or drawing or some other art that was entirely beyond my grasp. I wasn’t so much impressed by all the hard work and effort that went into mastering the skill, because I couldn’t even imagine myself being able to do it at all. I knew I would never have that kind of patience and wisdom and confidence in the future, and would be more likely go completely stark raving batshit as a parent, myself.
What’s funny is, that sort of worldy-wise restraint began to come to me, anyway, almost despite myself. Having a mouthy fourteen-year-old will test anyone, and I have always been one to swing first and worry about the consequences later, figuratively and literally. So I am a little amazed those times when I am provoked and instead of going off, I hold back and do something infinitely more wise. Where the hell did that come from? I sure did not see it coming.
This is the time for acting like adults, Astros fans. A time for being clear-eyed, and understanding exactly what it is we are looking at here. A time for taking the long view. We are watching a team in a transitional phase that is trying to compete at the same time, bless them. But that is really, really hard to do. There will likely be many more bumps in the road, this season and beyond, before they get back to where we want them, to where we hope they should be. Meantime, we should try and remember what a cool thing it is to be able to watch this team, any team, go out ond play on the green grass every day and night. And that sometimes, the lessons of baseball and the lessons of life do converge. All good things. In their time. (more…)
A’s 6, Astros 5 (11 innings)
W: Embree | L: Moehler | S: Casilla
Biggio 1-1 (PH) 2,985
OWA contributor Ty in Tampa is flying all over the country sampling beers at every stop and will miss his scheduled recap, and since I am working the graveyard shift this week, this will be short. Not quite the JackAstro classic shortness from last night, but very brief. I was still sleeping through the first 5 innings, so read the GZ for more detail. I think.
Defensive whiz shortstop Adam Everett fractured his right fibula and will miss at least 4-8 weeks after a collision with a horse in shallow left field in the 4th inning of todays afternoon contest against the Oakland A’s and had to be carted off the field. Eric Bruntlett was recalled after the game from AAA Round Rock to fill AE’s roster spot.
The Astros lost the game, too. And the series.
Game Zone thread here.
Astros 5, A’s 4 (11 innings)
W: Borkowski | L: Flores
Pigpen’s path to 3,000: 2,983 (3-5, home sweet home)
AP recap & box score
Astros.com recap (DuBose)
The American League Athletics of Oakland came to town to try their brand of Moneyball on the corner of Texas Avenue and Crawford Street, only to go back to their hotel bankrupt after the Astros light-hitting duo of Brad Ausmus and Adam Everett paired up for the game winning run in the 11th inning. (more…)
By MRaup
A’s at Astros – The Greatest Rivalry in Baseball Continues!
(Fuck the American League)
Minute Maid Park
Tuesday, June 12, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, June 13, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Thursday, June 14, 1:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Astros at Cubs, 6/11/07
Score: Cubs 2, Astros 1
W: Zambrano (7-5) L: Williams (2-9) S: Dempster (13)
Homeruns: Zambrano (2). Yes, that Zambrano.
March to 3000: 2,980 (0-4, 2 K, now .219 for the season)
Read Alyson’s Report Here: Footer
Or the AP recap here: Yahoo!
That game was very much like sex with a Cub fan: quick, ugly, and rather unsatisfying.
(more…)
