By Craig Elliott

The Astros worked a split in Milwaukee, and now travel to Cincinnati for some overdue business with the Dickities. This is the last trip to Cincy this year, and the next-to-last series with the pissant Redlegs. At five games back, the Astros need to make up some ground in this series.

On the other hand, a beatdown from the Reds now would officially make us their bitch for the season. And that’s no fun in a city where they casually toss around the word “cornhole.”

The Dickities just won a series against the Pirates, and earlier in the week they lost two of three to the Co-Ards. They’ve somehow hung on to the wildcard lead, despite going 9-10 so far in August. There must be a vacuum of Suck that’s keeping the rest of the NL from reaching the Reds.

When:
Monday, August 21, 6:10 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, August 22, 6:10 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, August 23, 11:35 a.m. CDT – FSN

MLB Extra Innings – The first two games will be on the Skyline feed, and the Wednesday game will be on Fox Southwest. I strongly recommend eating BEFORE the Monday and Tuesday games, so you don’t lose your appetite with all the commercials for shitty chili.

Where: Great American Ballpark

The Reds are 33-32 at home this year, while the Astros are 25-34 on the road. The Astros also lost two of three on the last trip to Cincinnati, and are 2-7 against the Reds this season.

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Tied 2-2 in the bottom of the ninth,  Brad Lidge was once again entrusted with the game on the line. He plunked the leadoff hitter and botched a bunt comebacker to allow the winning run on second with no outs. The next batter also bunted to Lidge, but with an awkward throw was able to get the lead runner at third. After a strikeout,  Phil Garner replaced Lidge with  Dan Wheeler to face the Brewers only lefthanded batter, rookie Prince Fielder. First pitch swinging, Fielder roped a hard-hit single to right, where  Lance Berkman attempted to scoop the ball. He failed to pick it up cleanly and the winning run scored easily. No error on the play, but he had a good shot at the runner if he had not muffed it. Game over. Read the rest of this entry »

By Craig Elliott

A sweep. A sweep by the goddamn dumbass Cubs. With Oswalt, Clemens, and Pettitte pitching at home. Every fan who stayed to the end of the 18-inning game should have won a year’s supply of LOBsters. Except for all those dipshits behind the Cubs dugout in the 18th inning. They can go blow goats or whatever it is that Cubs fans do in Houston.

The Astros are now five games behind the Dickities in the wildcard race, and looking up at most of the NL West as well. This playoff run feels more like slogging through the cinnamony mud of the Ohio River. With a pulled groin.

The Brewers just took two of three in Pittsburgh, and they’re tied with Houston again in the wildcard race. Carlos Lee is still leading the team in hits, homers, and RBI, despite playing in Texas now. Chris Capuano is leading in wins, strikeouts, and innings pitched, but the Astros won’t face him this series.

When:
Thursday, August 17, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Friday, August 18, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, August 19, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, August 20, 1:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS

MLB Extra Innings – Thursday’s game will be on the Fox Southwest feed, Friday’s and Saturday’s games will on the Milwaukee broadcast, and it looks like there’s no broadcast Sunday.

Where: Miller Park

The Chorizo only made one race appearance before it got shitcanned by MLB. Because all marketing gimmicks have to be blessed by the league office a year in advance or some shit. Just figures that every time someone thinks of a new way to show off their sausage, Bud Selig takes a big bite first.

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The Astros came to Minute Maid Park today trying to salvage a game from the Cubs in a three game home series already lost, but were shutout by a rookie lefthander making his major league debut in this quickly spiraling out of control season. The embarrasing home sweep, their 5th straight loss a home, was mainly due to the anemic offense, as the Astros have not scored in the last 21 innings. Read the rest of this entry »

By Craig Elliott

The Astros just lost two out of three to San Diego, but remain in the thick of things. The wildcard race is a real sludgepile, and as Alkie has astutely pointed out, the shitbird Jakes may be joining it soon. Luke Scott has also taken Preston Wilson’s job, so good luck to both of them.

The Cubs have dropped their last two series, plus Mark Prior is done for the year, again. Carlos Zambrano is the only non-rookie in the rotation. The only question now is whether or not Dusty’s contract gets renewed. And if it’s not renewed, then this is Dusty’s last trip to Houston.

When:
Monday, August 14, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, August 15, 7:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Wednesday, August 16, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN

MLB Extra Innings – All three games will be on the Fox Southwest feed. No need for WGN.

Where: MMPUS

The Astros are wrapping up the long homestand before going on the road for a week and a half. Houston leads the season series with the Cubs 8-4. This will wrap up the season series with the Cubs, so get your jeers in while you can.

The giveaways for this series are pretty good … a shuttle cap on Monday, K cards on Tuesday, and Clemens T-shirts on Wednesday.

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