August 31st, 2006

Astros win pitchers duel in 9th, 1-0

Posted by mihoba in News & Recaps

Aubrey Huff, sporting a new haircut, stepped up to the plate with the bases loaded and one out in the 9th inning of a scoreless game at Minute Maid Park and hit a fielders choice grounder to the firstbaseman, who dived across the bag to snare the hard hit, then slapped the base with his glove to make sure he got the out at first before throwing to the catcher, who failed to recognize the force play was off and did not attempt the tag on the sliding  Mike Lamb as he scored the winning run. (more…)

August 29th, 2006

Brewers at Astros - A Round of Brew for the Big Three

Posted by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

The Astros just took three of four from the Pirates, including a 13-1 laugher on Sunday that helped Jason Hirsh to his second win. Houston is 3.5 games behind Cincinnati now, with a little more than a month left to play. Most of the National League is still in the wildcard chase too.

Now we get to see the Big Three of the rotation pitching at home, in the playoff chase. And speaking of playoff chase, it’s time to knock Milwaukee out of it. The Brewers just got swept in a four-game series with the Fish, so the road trip isn’t going well for them. Milwaukee is a game behind Houston in the wildcard race, and five games behind Cincinnati.

When:
Tuesday, August 29, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Wednesday, August 30, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Thursday, August 31, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN

MLB Extra Innings - All three games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. After that long-ass road trip, it’s about time for some Yvette.

Where: MMPUS

Tuesday’s giveaway is the Clemens road T-shirt, so get there early. And on Wednesday they’re giving away the scratch tickets, where you could win things like a pinch on the ass from Milo, or your own chance to strike out Morgan Ensberg on three pitches. Also, watch for the upcoming MoBerg Night, when NASA rocketry scientists will be on hand to re-enact moonshots from third base to first.

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August 28th, 2006

BTN #20: Minor league stats for the week ending 8/27

Posted by Jacksonian in Bus Ride Archive

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August 25th, 2006

Astros defeat Pirates 5-1 in second game

Posted by mihoba in News & Recaps

Roger Clemens pitched six effective innings to earn his 347th career victory, helped by Willy Taveras and  Brad Ausmus, who three hits each to lead the Astros over Pittsburgh 5-1 at PNC Park. (more…)

August 24th, 2006

Astros at Pirates - Cap’n, Morgan is Walking the Plank Again

Posted by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

The Astros got a nasty cockpunch from the Reds, though a nice comeback Wednesday helped ease the swelling a little. Ouch. Meanwhile, the wildcard race is slipping away, despite every line-up Garner can pull out of his ass. Maybe a four-game set with the Pirates will help set things right.

The Pirates just took two of three in Atlanta. But they still have the worst record in the National League, and only Kansas City is worse in the majors. Jason Bay is leading the team in pretty much everything, including homers with 28.

When:
Thursday, August 24, 6:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Friday, August 25, 6:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Saturday, August 26, 6:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Sunday, August 27, 12:35 p.m. CDT - FSN

MLB Extra Innings - Saturday’s game will be on Fox Southwest. All the others will be on the Pittsburgh feed.

Where: PNC Park

There will be fireworks after each of the first three games. And then during Sunday’s game, the Pirates will reveal the name of their new mascot. Here are a few suggestions:

* Pegleg Milo
* Derek Bell
* Ghost of Nancy Wilson
* Dreamboat Manny

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August 23rd, 2006

Astros rally against Reds, avoid sweep

Posted by mihoba in News & Recaps

Adam  Everett and  Chris Burke had three hits apiece and  Roy Oswalt pitched six strong innings to lead the Astros to a 7-3 victory over the wild-card leading Reds at Great American Ballpark. (more…)

August 21st, 2006

Astros at Reds - Rickety Dickitie Dock

Posted by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

The Astros worked a split in Milwaukee, and now travel to Cincinnati for some overdue business with the Dickities. This is the last trip to Cincy this year, and the next-to-last series with the pissant Redlegs. At five games back, the Astros need to make up some ground in this series.

On the other hand, a beatdown from the Reds now would officially make us their bitch for the season. And that’s no fun in a city where they casually toss around the word “cornhole.”

The Dickities just won a series against the Pirates, and earlier in the week they lost two of three to the Co-Ards. They’ve somehow hung on to the wildcard lead, despite going 9-10 so far in August. There must be a vacuum of Suck that’s keeping the rest of the NL from reaching the Reds.

When:
Monday, August 21, 6:10 p.m. CDT - FSN
Tuesday, August 22, 6:10 p.m. CDT - FSN
Wednesday, August 23, 11:35 a.m. CDT - FSN

MLB Extra Innings - The first two games will be on the Skyline feed, and the Wednesday game will be on Fox Southwest. I strongly recommend eating BEFORE the Monday and Tuesday games, so you don’t lose your appetite with all the commercials for shitty chili.

Where: Great American Ballpark

The Reds are 33-32 at home this year, while the Astros are 25-34 on the road. The Astros also lost two of three on the last trip to Cincinnati, and are 2-7 against the Reds this season.

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August 21st, 2006

BTN #19: Minor league stats for the week ending 8/20

Posted by Jacksonian in Bus Ride Archive

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August 19th, 2006

Walkoff-hit, Brewers take game two

Posted by mihoba in News & Recaps

Tied 2-2 in the bottom of the ninth,  Brad Lidge was once again entrusted with the game on the line. He plunked the leadoff hitter and botched a bunt comebacker to allow the winning run on second with no outs. The next batter also bunted to Lidge, but with an awkward throw was able to get the lead runner at third. After a strikeout,  Phil Garner replaced Lidge with  Dan Wheeler to face the Brewers only lefthanded batter, rookie Prince Fielder. First pitch swinging, Fielder roped a hard-hit single to right, where  Lance Berkman attempted to scoop the ball. He failed to pick it up cleanly and the winning run scored easily. No error on the play, but he had a good shot at the runner if he had not muffed it. Game over. (more…)

August 17th, 2006

Astros at Brewers - Alas, Chorizo! A Ween of Infinite Zest

Posted by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

A sweep. A sweep by the goddamn dumbass Cubs. With Oswalt, Clemens, and Pettitte pitching at home. Every fan who stayed to the end of the 18-inning game should have won a year’s supply of LOBsters. Except for all those dipshits behind the Cubs dugout in the 18th inning. They can go blow goats or whatever it is that Cubs fans do in Houston.

The Astros are now five games behind the Dickities in the wildcard race, and looking up at most of the NL West as well. This playoff run feels more like slogging through the cinnamony mud of the Ohio River. With a pulled groin.

The Brewers just took two of three in Pittsburgh, and they’re tied with Houston again in the wildcard race. Carlos Lee is still leading the team in hits, homers, and RBI, despite playing in Texas now. Chris Capuano is leading in wins, strikeouts, and innings pitched, but the Astros won’t face him this series.

When:
Thursday, August 17, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Friday, August 18, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Saturday, August 19, 6:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Sunday, August 20, 1:05 p.m. CDT - KNWS

MLB Extra Innings - Thursday’s game will be on the Fox Southwest feed, Friday’s and Saturday’s games will on the Milwaukee broadcast, and it looks like there’s no broadcast Sunday.

Where: Miller Park

The Chorizo only made one race appearance before it got shitcanned by MLB. Because all marketing gimmicks have to be blessed by the league office a year in advance or some shit. Just figures that every time someone thinks of a new way to show off their sausage, Bud Selig takes a big bite first.

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August 16th, 2006

Cubs punk Astros, sweep series at MMP

Posted by mihoba in News & Recaps

The Astros came to Minute Maid Park today trying to salvage a game from the Cubs in a three game home series already lost, but were shutout by a rookie lefthander making his major league debut in this quickly spiraling out of control season. The embarrasing home sweep, their 5th straight loss a home, was mainly due to the anemic offense, as the Astros have not scored in the last 21 innings. (more…)

August 14th, 2006

Cubs at Astros - Duster’s Last Stand

Posted by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

The Astros just lost two out of three to San Diego, but remain in the thick of things. The wildcard race is a real sludgepile, and as Alkie has astutely pointed out, the shitbird Jakes may be joining it soon. Luke Scott has also taken Preston Wilson’s job, so good luck to both of them.

The Cubs have dropped their last two series, plus Mark Prior is done for the year, again. Carlos Zambrano is the only non-rookie in the rotation. The only question now is whether or not Dusty’s contract gets renewed. And if it’s not renewed, then this is Dusty’s last trip to Houston.

When:
Monday, August 14, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Tuesday, August 15, 7:05 p.m. CDT - KNWS
Wednesday, August 16, 1:05 p.m. CDT - FSN

MLB Extra Innings - All three games will be on the Fox Southwest feed. No need for WGN.

Where: MMPUS

The Astros are wrapping up the long homestand before going on the road for a week and a half. Houston leads the season series with the Cubs 8-4. This will wrap up the season series with the Cubs, so get your jeers in while you can.

The giveaways for this series are pretty good … a shuttle cap on Monday, K cards on Tuesday, and Clemens T-shirts on Wednesday.

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August 14th, 2006

BTN #18: Minor league stats for the week ending 8/13

Posted by Jacksonian in Bus Ride Archive

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August 12th, 2006

Pettitte leads Astros over Padres 4-2

Posted by mihoba in News & Recaps

Andy Pettitte pitched seven solid innings and struck out ten to  earn  the victory Friday night at Minute Maid Park in game one of the weekend series.

Pettitte, obviously tired of hearing about  Roy Oswalt’s homer two nights ago, hit his first career shot in the 4th inning to tie the game at 2-2. He also had a single in the game, raising the bar with the ongoing competition with Oswalt over who is the bast hitting pitcher not named Brandon Backe. (more…)

August 11th, 2006

Padres at Astros - Forgive Me Father, for Piazza’s Downwind

Posted by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

The Astros are 7-2 in August, which includes three series wins. After sweeping the Pirates out of town, the ‘Stros are now 6 games behind the fucking Jakes, and 2.5 games off the wildcard lead. The dumbass Reds are out on their feet and ready for a knockout punch, with three teams from the West sitting a half-game out.

One of those teams is the Padres. They’re only 3-7 over their last 10 games, including losing last week’s series to the Astros. They just got swept by the cocksucking Mets, and are about to drop behind the Dojers and Snakes in the West. Plus the Rukkakies are still hanging close and looking up expectantly at the leaders with those big adorable eyes. Apparently it has something to do with everyone’s balls being heavier in Coors this year. Or whatever.

Also, rumor has it that the Padres’ plane was delayed from leaving New York because of the new carry-on rules. There was an uncomfortable moment at Security when no one would claim the industrial-size jug of hand lotion. Luckily things got moving again when Mike Piazza offered to inspect everyone’s packages.

When:
Friday, August 11, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Saturday, August 12, 6:05 p.m. CDT - KNWS
Sunday, August 13, 1:05 p.m. CDT - FSN

MLB Extra Innings - Friday’s and Sunday’s games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. No broadcast Saturday, I guess.

Where: MMPUS

Friday is ’80s Night, so be sure to wear either a Rainbow Gut or Rainbow Shoulder. There will also be umbrella giveaways, and one lucky fan will win a limited-edition ankle-grabber umbrella stand, shaped like Mike Piazza’s ass.

On Saturday you can score a non-urine-smelling Astrodome replica, and on Sunday they’re giving away lunch bags, which are cooler than they sound.

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August 10th, 2006

Oswalt, Huff power ‘Stros over Buccs 14-1

Posted by mihoba in News & Recaps

The Astros broke out the whooppin’ stick for game two of the three game series at Minute Maid Park, slaming six home runs on the way to a 14-1 thrashing over the cellar dwelling Pirates of Pittsburgh. (more…)

August 8th, 2006

Pirates at Astros - What’s It Got in Its Bullpen, Precious?

Posted by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

The Astros just won two series AND had a winning roadtrip. August must finally be here. The teetering Reds are only 3.5 games ahead of Houston now, and the Jakes are 8 games ahead. Lance Berkman is still hitting everything in sight, despite having to be wheeled around the bases in a wagon by Jose Cruz.

The Pirates have the worst record in the National League, and are ahead of only the Royals in all Major League Baseball. Plus they even broke up the band and traded Nancy Wilson to the Yankees. But if we could just trade OUR Wilson to the Pirates, then they could restart the band … nah, nevermind.

When:
Tuesday, August 8, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Wednesday, August 9, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN
Thursday, August 10, 7:05 p.m. CDT - FSN

MLB Extra Innings - All three games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. Which is fine with me, because the Pittsburgh guys will only be talking about the fucking Steelers anyway. I wonder if Ben Roethlisberger has recorded a public service announcement yet about wearing a goddamn helmet.

Where: MMPUS

Monday was the Astros’ last day off for three weeks. This is the beginning of a three-series homestand, and except for this weekend’s set with the Padres, the rest of the month will be played against the Central. Most of it against the bottom third of the Central (assuming the Brewers stay in fourth place where they belong).

When the Pirates are in town, Double Play Tuesday with its cheap hot dogs is, of course, also still known as ?Derek Bell Throwback Day.? At least they’re Earl Campbell’s hot dogs. The rest of the promos for this series are pretty lame: teddy bears for kids on Wednesday, and lanyards on Thursday. Meh. Good enough for a mid-week series with the Pirates, I guess.

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August 7th, 2006

BTN #17: Minor league stats for the week ending 8/6

Posted by Jacksonian in Bus Ride Archive

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August 5th, 2006

Astros win baserunner marathon 8-7 over Arizona

Posted by mihoba in News & Recaps

This game was all about baserunners, as the two teams had a combined 46 hits and walks. The Astros had 14 hits and 11 walks while the Diamondbacks added 16 and 5, respectively. The great JD pointed out that home plate umpire Jerry Crawford’s strike zone was ‘tight’ as many, many, MANY borderline pitches were called balls. Crawford remained consistant until the final pitch. (more…)

August 4th, 2006

Astros at Diamondbacks - Snakes in My Ass

Posted by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

So, while everyone else was stressing out over the trade deadline Monday afternoon, I was laid out in the hospital, getting my first colonoscopy. Talk about taking one for the team. I told the doctor that while she was in there snaking things out, to be on the lookout for any relievers or RBI batters. But as you know by now, the search was fruitless and there was nothing to pull out of my ass (though they did evict one of Roy Oswalt’s spies).

Anyway.

The Astros lost the chance to sweep the Pet Shop Boys, but did look a little better in taking the series. Houston is still only 4.5 games back in the wildcard race, though still looking up at most of the pathetic National League.

Arizona just split a doubleheader, and a four-game series, with the Cubs. They’re a game back of San Diego in the NL West, and only a half-game behind the Reds in the wildcard race.

When:
Friday, August 4, 8:40 p.m. CDT - FSN
Saturday, August 5, 8:40 p.m. CDT - FSN
Sunday, August 6, 3:40 p.m. CDT - FSN

MLB Extra Innings - Looks like no broadcast Friday. Saturday’s game will be on the Arizona feed, and Sunday’s will be on Fox Southwest.

Where: Chase Field

Arizona is dead-even at home this year, 26-26. However, the Astros are only 21-31 on the road. Any relievers who blow a lead for Roger this weekend may be found later, BOBbing in the swimming pool.

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