Archive for March, 2002

T.J. Suxx

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

With one more day of Grapefruit League and a couple more warm-ups at the AFUS to go, things are pretty well set with the Astros. As I type, the only decision left to be made by the club is between Linebrink and Stone for the final bullpen slot. But wait! What’s that noise? That’s the clamoring of minor league scrubs all over Florida: begging for one shot at “Set it up on a” Tee J. Mathews. They want to earn slots on their clubs too, and an at-bat against Tee J. is the quickest way to impress a manager.

This guy is only earmarked for the Astros because of his guaranteed money. He’s now pitching worse than C.J., has been doing so for longer, and he doesn’t even have the benefit of C.J’s left-handedness. He flat out sucks. I know we’ve only seen him in Spring Training, but how much more do we need to see? He’s pitched 14 innings and given up a very symmetrical 14 earned runs. His latest disaster occurred when he gave up a titanic, three-run stinker to a Bravo prospect who is the size of Gary Coleman and makes DB’s spring output (’til now) look positively studley. Cut him! Rip! Rend! Tear! (more…)

Posted in Limey Time | Comments Off

Back to Back to Back to Back

Friday, March 22nd, 2002

By Gene Elston
Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com on March 22, 2002.

How could anyone forget the coming of the 21st Century and the problems that arose because it was erroneously believed the first decade of the new Millennium would begin in the year 2000.

Many people are confused about the calendar system now in universal use. Our era, known as Anno Domini (A.D.) began in the year “one” (there is no year “zero”). The first decade ran from year 1 through year 10. (more…)

Posted in Bleacher Rap | Comments Off

“Seasoning” The Pen

Tuesday, March 19th, 2002

Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com.

You know that horrible defining moment clich? that pops up in sports?  You know the one… “When a defining moment occurs, either you define the moment or the moment defines you.” Surely you’ve seen it on high school locker room bulletin boards, or perhaps on the t-shirt of that guy living under a freeway trying to sell you a newspaper. The Astros are about to face one of those defining moments. (more…)

Posted in Zipper Flap | Comments Off

The Dim, the Lame, and the Arrogant

Thursday, March 7th, 2002

Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com.

It’s been said that before the introduction of the Internet, village idiots used to stay in their own villages.  

Alan Zinter has about as much chance as making the Astros opening day roster as Jayson Williams does of being the keynote speaker at the Limo Drivers Union annual meeting.  The same could be said of Jim Mann, Ricky Stone, that Olive-Oyl looking shortstop (the one with the personal problems) or the host of minor league players who aren’t even in camp.  And yet, almost as regularly as Dan Ackroyd (remember when he was funny…man the 70’s were a long time ago) or John Goodman plays the bewildered father, someone is claiming some ridiculous insight about one of these guys being a necessary spoke in the major league wheel.   (more…)

Posted in Zipper Flap | Comments Off

Spring, and a Young Man’s Fancy

Wednesday, March 6th, 2002

Well, almost a week into Spring Training and we have had some fun. The Hernandez-Redding battle for the 5th rotation spot is going to be a knock-down drag out strike-fest. It’ll be great watching this one pan out. Fox should televise it. It’s much better than the Tonya Harding vs. Amy Fisher / Paula Jones / Darva Conger fight.

Adam Everett can hit, it seems. A long way to go yet, but he’s been making contact and getting results with the bat. Lugo better get well soon otherwise he could find himself out of a job before he’s even muffed play #1 at SS.

Daryle Ward “has to hit somewhere”, says Jimy, so why not 2nd? Well, I say, why not lead off? He’d break Bones Sr.’s NL record for lead-off homers in next to no time. He doesn’t walk much these days, so he would clog the base paths behind him either. (more…)

Posted in Limey Time | Comments Off

Contraction: The Early Years

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002

By Gene Elston
Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com on March 5, 2002.

There is no question the quality of our lives has improved over the last 100 years. However, very often today we hear the phrase “life used to be so simple.”

Life WAS simple in the National League in 1900 when the circuit decided the 12-club league was too unyielding and top-to-bottom, competition was nigh impossible, the league voted to reduce to an eight-club organization. (more…)

Posted in Bleacher Rap | Comments Off